trenchknives | Open Post

I've never met a person who didn't like Chinese food. Wouldn't trust 'em if I did meet 'em.

[And he finds himself starving. Who'd've thought that dying and coming back to life would take so much out of you. He heads towards the little table. His apartment is surprisingly well-furnished; it looks like he's really put in some efforts to make it homey.]

[Surprisingly homey and clean, though not too surprising to her considering how much care he puts into his clothes. He was the one to show up to Ginny's party in a tux. But still, a bachelor is a bachelor. There are stereotypes for a reason.]

Same for somebody who doesn't like liquor.

[Speaking of the firewater, she pulls out a bottle of whiskey and a bottle of vodka, along with a carton of orange juice. They could share, but Angela's betting on him needing the entirety of the whiskey after his experience.]

Good thing I know you love it.

[He eyes those bottles appreciatively. He's pretty sure he will need the entirety of the whiskey, and he's glad she brought so much.]

Sayin' I "love" it makes me sound kinda like a drunk, doesn't it?

Do you see me doing any judging?

[What goes down in these four walls stays in these four walls. Besides, she plans to stay relatively sober to make sure he's steady enough to make it through the night. But before any bottles are opened, she needs to eat something to soak up the alcohol so she doesn't hesitate to pull out a carton of noodles and a pair of chopsticks, eating right out of the box. To hell with proper plating.]

At least you aren't a depressed drunk. [A pause and a smirk.] Or are you?

[She's teasing, keeping the mood light before delving into the real meat of her visit.]

No, I ain't. Usually. Depends on the mood I'm in when I start drinkin'.

[He's grabbing for some food, too, but he's going to use a fork, because he never got the hang of chopsticks. He doubts she'll judge him too much.]

[Angela's quiet for a second, watching him carefully, and taking his words to heart. Well, she's sure she'll have a depressive drunk on her hands in a few minutes. Good thing she's experienced in handling them and being the depressed drunk so many times before.

Also, she is totally judging him. Harsh judging going on over here.]

Then don't hold back when you do start drinking tonight.

Oh, believe me, I won't. I'm gonna go all out.

[He opens the bottle and pours himself some whiskey, straight, not bothering to add a mixer to it.]

You'd better have some, too, 'cause I don't wanna drink alone.

I will. I just need to eat first.

[Actually, it's more like pacing herself. She can't comfort him when she's sloppy drunk and slurring her words. She'll eat, pour herself a shot or two, and let him purge as needed. To be honest, from the little she does know about him so far, dying aside, Angela feels like he never gets an outlet like he should have.

Tonight, he has one and has free reign on it.]

I dunno if what happened to me is shit I should be talkin' about while you're eatin', though. It's kinda disturbing.

[He doesn't want to make her lose her appetite, even if there is a part of him that's dying to talk about it.]

Try me.

[Admittedly, she has a weak stomach, but working in the lab for over five years now strengthened it a bit. She can will things to stay where they need to be for the time being.]

So I was walkin' with a friend, Penny. 'n out of nowhere, this guy...

[He shrugs.]

Jumped outta fuckin' nowhere 'n attacked her. So I got in the way, y'know, tried to distract him, 'n he attacked me instead. Ripped my throat out with his bare teeth. Tried to fuckin' eat me.

[Angela chews slowly as Jimmy talks, preparing herself for the vivid details. It's a short story, light on the graphic specifics, and in any other world, unbelievable, but here in the city, it's as real as the zombie sheep that left the silvery pink scar on Angela's arm.]

A cannibal?

Vampire. Or, um, former vampire? He was cursed, anyway. Can't really blame the guy.

[Although he'd've sure liked to. It would have felt good to be able to get some revenge, but when he and Frankie talked and Frankie actually apologized, he didn't have it in him to hold a grudge.]

Ah. I see.

[Curses make people do stupid things, evil things, and while an apology goes a long way, sometimes it doesn't heal things one bit. Angela can see this is the case here. But there's something else she wants to touch on.]

Doesn't matter in the end. You did something honorable. Let's not forget to give yourself credit here.

People keep sayin' that, but honestly, it was just instinct. I wasn't thinkin', "Oh, I'm gonna save someone's life," I was just doin' what felt natural.

Instinct or not, it was still a good thing. More than what I could have possibly done.

[She's a chicken and easily panicked. Chances are she would have froze on the spot.]

And maybe it ended badly, but people have died for less or for stupid reasons. This says a lot about you, Jimmy. This says you're a damn good friend, a brave man, and somebody Penny should be grateful to for a very long time.

It's the military trainin', probably. You don't run away in the middle of a battle. That's what this was.

[He shrugs and takes a small bite of food.]

It can't redeem a lot of the other shit I've done.

Or maybe it's just you. Less military and just you.

[This is going to be an uphill battle. Good thing Angela's set to be here all night. She sets her food aside and cracks open the vodka, pouring it into a plastic cup she has tucked in the bag and following it up with a splash of juice.]

Are you looking for something to redeem yourself? Because if that's the case, I don't think anything will be good enough for you by the way you're talking.

Yeah, I'd like to redeem myself. Wouldn't we all? I mean, there's a lot that we've all done we ain't proud of. I've got more of it than some people, I guess, but I'd like to make up for some of it.

[She nods over the rim of her glass. There are some things she regrets, minor things, nothing that ruined lives or anything, but regrets all the same. Angela may never get the chance to fix things, being stuck here and all, and ruminating on it will help no one. Jimmy doing the same will have him going around in circles, trying to find a way to absolve himself, but never being satisfied in the things he does.

A sip later, she decides it's best to be direct before he gets too drunk to skate around her questions.]

What do you regret so much?

Where the fuck do I start?

[Another long swig of his drink, a shake of his head.]

Droppin' out of college. Joinin' the military. Not bein' there for my fiancee or my son. Gettin' involved in...

[A pause. How does he phrase this without sounding incredibly criminal?]

Less than ethical activities. Always tryin' to live up to what the guys who raised me wanted me to be. Insistin' to my fiancee that we had to get married, just 'cause we had a kid. Bein' indirectly responsible for her death. Y'know. That kinda thing.

First things first... [She reaches for the whiskey, topping off his glass. With the way the nights going, he looks like he'll be going through the liquor pretty quickly.] Dropping out of college doesn't make you less of a person, so let's get that one out of the way. Neither does joining the military. Some of the best people I know are military.

[He already sounds incredibly criminal to her, but she's not here to judge and besides, her morals are so grey that what he's done is done and with him sick with regret already, judging him would just be cruel.]

Indirectly isn't directly. You can't blame yourself for somebody else's actions or choices, Jimmy. That's not fair to yourself and I doubt she would blame you for it.

[Angela will get back to the rest of his list, but those were the easiest to get over.]

[He smiles his appreciation for the refill, then takes a long swig of the whiskey before speaking again.]

All my... he wasn't my dad, but he might as well have been... all he ever wanted me to do was get a good education. A degree. Not to drop out. Instead, I joined up with the fuckin' army, ended up with shrapnel in my leg and a fucked up mind, 'n a kid I wasn't there to see for the first three years of his life.

[He sighs.]

I ain't tryin' to make this a pity party, but I can't think of anythin' I've done right. I know it wasn't my fault that she died, but... if I'd've been a better person, nobody'd've killed her to get back at me.

Hey, we all deserve a pity party once in our lives. This is the only one I'm going to entertain you with.

[She smiles slightly, a teasing note to her words. She wouldn't turn him away if he needed to talk in the future, but her stance would be the same as it is now. There's a good man deep down in there; he just needs to see it for himself.]

But dropping out was your choice. Joining the military was what you wanted to do. And no, it's not about whether you were a bad man or could have been a better person. Whoever killed her... that's on them. If they had a problem with you, they could have been an adult and brought it to you, not take a lowbrow solution to the problem. And you know what you've done right? You feel. There are so many people who do things and don't feel a bit of regret. Feeling regret means that somewhere in there is a man who does good. Who can do good. Don't ever forget that. Don't ever cheapen what you truly are.

It wasn't... droppin' out wasn't entirely my choice. Somethin' happened that...

[But no, he can't go there. He can't discuss that with her, because he's never discussed it with anyone, not even his former wife. No, he's learning how to open up and talk about feelings here in the City, but there are certain things he'll never divulge.]

Anyway, you're right. I treated the military like it was an escape from my worries, 'n it wasn't, of course, but... I learned some good things there, too. Discipline.

[Although he's still impulsive as hell, which she's probably noticed.]

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