[She furrows her brow because this is brand new talk from Jimmy. Then again, everything between them has been just under the surface and she always shares more than he does. Maybe it's time to turn the tables.]
I doubt you've fucked anything up that much that you have to run away.
Because I feel like I've made a big goddamned mess of things here. I ain't ever gonna be perfect, I know that, but around here, I've pretty much let everyone down.
[And truth me told, she can't think of anything that he could do that would let her down. For other people, there's a long list, but there's none of those bad habits she sees in Jimmy.]
[She's also half-kidding. Though if he asked her, she'd think about it and probably do it both for a change of scenery and to try country skipping with someone else.]
Do you have to be? [Angela's concerned. She hasn't met any of the other people in his life and she hasn't asked about his family, so she wonders who these other people are.]
That's 'cause there ain't much to say about her. I mean...
[A long sigh.]
You don't want the whole story, anyway. It's long, 'n it ain't very much fun. I'm talkin' about my dad. Well, him, 'n the guy who helped raise me, too. I ain't ever gonna be good enough for them.
[So maybe she'c a tiny bit curious about these people, why they mean so much to him. Fathers and father figures are important on principle, Angela knows this, but this conversation is serving to let her know she knows absolutely nothing about Jimmy's life.]
[He could wave a dismissive hand and be done with the conversation, but she'd come out here, and she'd asked him what was going on, and it seemed pretty rude to stop talking when she was obviously concerned.]
Powerful guys, y'know? The kinda guy I'll never be.
So you want to be an asshole? Far be it from me to tell anybody how to be, but just because someone's powerful doesn't mean it's something to strive for. A ton of powerful people got to where they were by fucking other people over, stepping on them, stealing, killing, who knows what else. You don't want to be one of those guys. I don't want you to be one of those guys.
[But she doesn't know how far her own desires go when it comes to him.]
I don't really wanna be an asshole, no, but that's what they want me to be. 'n yeah, they've done all of that, the stealin' and the killin' and the bribery and the bullshit. Hell, I think they'd both be proud if that was the kinda thing I wanted to do, too.
And you think this is a good thing? Ever head of a bad influence?
[She knows sometimes people need a goal to strive for, no matter how awful that goal is, but she also knows that sometimes people need a wake up call. Call her Angela the alarm clock.]
You shouldn't be any of those things. And if they would be proud that you're following in the criminal life, then I don't know what to say to them, but I know I wish you wouldn't and I wish you wouldn't feel bad that you chose to do something else. Especially when that something else isn't ruining or hurting other people.
Well, it ain't like any of them advertise that they do that kinda shit. They're real respectable guys, y'know? On the surface, anybody'd want the kinda jobs they had.
I don't know about you, but I don't find murderers respectable.
[Even though she says this, her morals are as grey as ever. Her forgiveness is flexible.]
But you know below the surface. You seem to know it's wrong. Why look up to them and strive to not disappoint them? Why feel like you messed up because you're not them?
'cause that's all I've been used to, my whole life. Trynna live up to what they wanted. Disappointin' the hell out of them when I dropped outta college. That kinda thing. And 'cause they have money, 'n I don't. Money always looks good.
Well, don't you ever kinda feel like, I dunno, you should be doin' what your parents wanted you to do? I mean, sure, we're adults, 'n we got our own lives, but we're influenced by the shit they wanted for us when we were growin' up, right?
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[Maybe, but not this guy. He knows it just as well as anyone else. He doesn't stay quiet unless he's thinking, and thinking can be dangerous.]
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[She bumps her shoulder against his, trying to lighten whatever mood Jimmy's found himself in.]
Thinking about what?
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You ever think about just gettin' away from everythin'? Goin' somewhere else 'n startin' all over?
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[She's done just that so many times in her life, up until recently. Being here with Jimmy is the longest she's ever stayed in one place.]
You planning on making a run for it?
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I doubt you've fucked anything up that much that you have to run away.
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I dunno. Maybe I don't have to run away, but sometimes, it seems like a damned good idea.
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[A simple, yet loaded question. Angela hopes they're at a place where he can tell her the answer to it without fear.]
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[And truth me told, she can't think of anything that he could do that would let her down. For other people, there's a long list, but there's none of those bad habits she sees in Jimmy.]
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I know. Maybe you can run away with me.
[He's only half-kidding.]
I ain't ever gonna be enough for the other people in my life, though.
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[She's also half-kidding. Though if he asked her, she'd think about it and probably do it both for a change of scenery and to try country skipping with someone else.]
Do you have to be? [Angela's concerned. She hasn't met any of the other people in his life and she hasn't asked about his family, so she wonders who these other people are.]
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[A nod.]
Yeah, kinda. I mean, you gotta live up to some standards, 'n when they're the standards of the people who basically raised you...
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[Not that she has any desire to actually go there, but if they're going to pretend they're completely joking here, she might as well play the part.]
Your mother? For somebody who has such an impact on your life, you never speak of her.
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[A long sigh.]
You don't want the whole story, anyway. It's long, 'n it ain't very much fun. I'm talkin' about my dad. Well, him, 'n the guy who helped raise me, too. I ain't ever gonna be good enough for them.
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[So maybe she'c a tiny bit curious about these people, why they mean so much to him. Fathers and father figures are important on principle, Angela knows this, but this conversation is serving to let her know she knows absolutely nothing about Jimmy's life.]
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[He could wave a dismissive hand and be done with the conversation, but she'd come out here, and she'd asked him what was going on, and it seemed pretty rude to stop talking when she was obviously concerned.]
Powerful guys, y'know? The kinda guy I'll never be.
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[But she doesn't know how far her own desires go when it comes to him.]
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[She knows sometimes people need a goal to strive for, no matter how awful that goal is, but she also knows that sometimes people need a wake up call. Call her Angela the alarm clock.]
You shouldn't be any of those things. And if they would be proud that you're following in the criminal life, then I don't know what to say to them, but I know I wish you wouldn't and I wish you wouldn't feel bad that you chose to do something else. Especially when that something else isn't ruining or hurting other people.
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[Even though she says this, her morals are as grey as ever. Her forgiveness is flexible.]
But you know below the surface. You seem to know it's wrong. Why look up to them and strive to not disappoint them? Why feel like you messed up because you're not them?
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Money doesn't buy happiness. It'll buy things to make you happy, but that joy is fleeting and quick. Don't settle for that.
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