That's 'cause there ain't much to say about her. I mean...
[A long sigh.]
You don't want the whole story, anyway. It's long, 'n it ain't very much fun. I'm talkin' about my dad. Well, him, 'n the guy who helped raise me, too. I ain't ever gonna be good enough for them.
[So maybe she'c a tiny bit curious about these people, why they mean so much to him. Fathers and father figures are important on principle, Angela knows this, but this conversation is serving to let her know she knows absolutely nothing about Jimmy's life.]
[He could wave a dismissive hand and be done with the conversation, but she'd come out here, and she'd asked him what was going on, and it seemed pretty rude to stop talking when she was obviously concerned.]
Powerful guys, y'know? The kinda guy I'll never be.
So you want to be an asshole? Far be it from me to tell anybody how to be, but just because someone's powerful doesn't mean it's something to strive for. A ton of powerful people got to where they were by fucking other people over, stepping on them, stealing, killing, who knows what else. You don't want to be one of those guys. I don't want you to be one of those guys.
[But she doesn't know how far her own desires go when it comes to him.]
I don't really wanna be an asshole, no, but that's what they want me to be. 'n yeah, they've done all of that, the stealin' and the killin' and the bribery and the bullshit. Hell, I think they'd both be proud if that was the kinda thing I wanted to do, too.
And you think this is a good thing? Ever head of a bad influence?
[She knows sometimes people need a goal to strive for, no matter how awful that goal is, but she also knows that sometimes people need a wake up call. Call her Angela the alarm clock.]
You shouldn't be any of those things. And if they would be proud that you're following in the criminal life, then I don't know what to say to them, but I know I wish you wouldn't and I wish you wouldn't feel bad that you chose to do something else. Especially when that something else isn't ruining or hurting other people.
Well, it ain't like any of them advertise that they do that kinda shit. They're real respectable guys, y'know? On the surface, anybody'd want the kinda jobs they had.
I don't know about you, but I don't find murderers respectable.
[Even though she says this, her morals are as grey as ever. Her forgiveness is flexible.]
But you know below the surface. You seem to know it's wrong. Why look up to them and strive to not disappoint them? Why feel like you messed up because you're not them?
'cause that's all I've been used to, my whole life. Trynna live up to what they wanted. Disappointin' the hell out of them when I dropped outta college. That kinda thing. And 'cause they have money, 'n I don't. Money always looks good.
Well, don't you ever kinda feel like, I dunno, you should be doin' what your parents wanted you to do? I mean, sure, we're adults, 'n we got our own lives, but we're influenced by the shit they wanted for us when we were growin' up, right?
[There's a smirk along her lips because Angela's had the luck of having a father who didn't follow his parents' dreams and a father who didn't push his preferences on his own kid. Granted, her personality is so strong, even as a child, that if he tried to, it wouldn't work.]
I knew that if I wanted to be happy, ultimately happy, I had to do what I wanted. No one is going to live my life for me but me. I still stick to that.
[Angela thinks she has a pretty good idea of that that was--the regular old have your kids more successful than you were concept. But considering the father figures he had, she can't truly be so sure.]
Which was havin' a halfway goddamned decent family, or some kinda success, or somethin' to make me stand apart from everyone else. She coulda done a better job of, y'know, encouragin' that, though.
[It's not her place to say whether or not Jimmy's responsible for taking care of his mother. However, what Angela can say is that Jimmy's a work in progress and no one should expect him to come this far at his age.]
Well, I personally, think you've done decently. And maybe what you've done isn't flashy or making you famous, it's still what you did on your own free will. That has to stand for something.
[There's a slight rise to her eyebrow. She's leaning towards him continue to half-joke with that, but there's an inkling in the back of her mind that tells her otherwise.]
I don't know about that. I'm a pretty terrible trip companion. I like to sightsee too much.
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[A nod.]
Yeah, kinda. I mean, you gotta live up to some standards, 'n when they're the standards of the people who basically raised you...
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[Not that she has any desire to actually go there, but if they're going to pretend they're completely joking here, she might as well play the part.]
Your mother? For somebody who has such an impact on your life, you never speak of her.
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[A long sigh.]
You don't want the whole story, anyway. It's long, 'n it ain't very much fun. I'm talkin' about my dad. Well, him, 'n the guy who helped raise me, too. I ain't ever gonna be good enough for them.
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[So maybe she'c a tiny bit curious about these people, why they mean so much to him. Fathers and father figures are important on principle, Angela knows this, but this conversation is serving to let her know she knows absolutely nothing about Jimmy's life.]
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[He could wave a dismissive hand and be done with the conversation, but she'd come out here, and she'd asked him what was going on, and it seemed pretty rude to stop talking when she was obviously concerned.]
Powerful guys, y'know? The kinda guy I'll never be.
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[But she doesn't know how far her own desires go when it comes to him.]
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[She knows sometimes people need a goal to strive for, no matter how awful that goal is, but she also knows that sometimes people need a wake up call. Call her Angela the alarm clock.]
You shouldn't be any of those things. And if they would be proud that you're following in the criminal life, then I don't know what to say to them, but I know I wish you wouldn't and I wish you wouldn't feel bad that you chose to do something else. Especially when that something else isn't ruining or hurting other people.
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[Even though she says this, her morals are as grey as ever. Her forgiveness is flexible.]
But you know below the surface. You seem to know it's wrong. Why look up to them and strive to not disappoint them? Why feel like you messed up because you're not them?
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Money doesn't buy happiness. It'll buy things to make you happy, but that joy is fleeting and quick. Don't settle for that.
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[There's a smirk along her lips because Angela's had the luck of having a father who didn't follow his parents' dreams and a father who didn't push his preferences on his own kid. Granted, her personality is so strong, even as a child, that if he tried to, it wouldn't work.]
I knew that if I wanted to be happy, ultimately happy, I had to do what I wanted. No one is going to live my life for me but me. I still stick to that.
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[He sighs again, trying to clear his head.]
I think my mom wanted me to have the kinda life she never had.
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[Angela thinks she has a pretty good idea of that that was--the regular old have your kids more successful than you were concept. But considering the father figures he had, she can't truly be so sure.]
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[A shrug.]
'n she wanted me to take care of her, y'know?
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Well, I personally, think you've done decently. And maybe what you've done isn't flashy or making you famous, it's still what you did on your own free will. That has to stand for something.
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[And he really means it.]
Sure you don't still wanna run away from all of it, though?
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All the time.
[But does 'all of it' include him too? Angela's unsure where to put him in her life.]
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[A long pause, and then...]
If I ever run away, you can come with me.
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I don't know about that. I'm a pretty terrible trip companion. I like to sightsee too much.
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