[If he were thinking about it, he'd never imagine that she had doubts about his interest in her, about whether he wanted to keep doing what he's been doing thus far. From his kisses, from the way his hands roam over her body, all of that would seem to say that he's very much enjoying himself, that he has no reservations about her, or about what they're about to do -- or what they have been doing. It's himself, of course, that he has reservations about, but he certainly won't say anything to that effect, and he'd be surprised that she found that odd.
So when she breaks the kiss, he isn't thinking about the doubts she might be having, about the way she might be questioning what he wants. He thinks it's obvious, anyway, especially from the way he finally pulls away from her for a moment for the sake of tugging his underwear off, too. There: they're both equally undressed.
And of course, of course, now that they're in this state, what is he supposed to do but lean down to plant another kiss on her collarbone, then begin to nudge her thighs apart, wondering if she'll really let him, wondering how she'll respond to all of it, wanting nothing more than to finally be inside of her, but wondering... Well, yes, wondering about all of it. That's why he pauses, just before going further, just before finally doing what he's been wanting to do all night, to ask...]
Is it okay?
[It seems right, somehow, to have her distinct permission, and, of course, a selfish and egotistical part of him wants to hear how much desire there is in her tone, if it's audible.]
[Her breath hitches, a little timid noise of pleasure catching in her throat when his hands press into the soft skin of her thighs, parting them with a surprisingly sweet amount of tenderness. In terms of experience, she knows well enough of the process—but in reality, it seems like ages since she has shivered and cried out beneath caresses as patient as his, since she has gone to the bed for anything more than an unpleasant interlude of friction, blood, and stinging pain.
His question initially fails to register, enraptured by the low tone of his voice, heavy and guttural with carnal hunger. Was it all right, he was asking—she should be the one asking, shouldn't she? His garbled messages and mixed signals are confusing her something awful, but—from how he hesitates, wanting to know her mind before proceeding any further, she wants to believe his answer would be—]
Yes.
[She confesses softly, in an almost lilting tone, her voice weak and wavering. Not from reluctance, but sheer shame of having to say it aloud, the color in her cheeks deepening. Finally, she gradually brings her knees up for him, revealing pink folds nestled amongst white skin.]
[That's really all he'd wanted to hear; a vocal desire for this, and he knows that it embarrasses her to say it, that admitting out loud that she wants this, too, is not the kind of thing that probably comes naturally to her, or ever would occur to her. But she's said it now, and she's made that little "oh" of pleasure, which encourages him almost as much as her words do.
So there's really only one thing left to do, and there's no way he can hide just how excited he is that he's finally getting to do it -- still, though, his movements are slow and gentle as he presses into her, not wanting to hurt her, not wanting any reason for this to be unpleasant for her.
And he certainly can't help the deep intake of breath he makes when he's finally buried deep inside of her, one of his hands braced on her hip -- though not the one with the bruise -- and his other hand cupping her cheek again, leaning down for a kiss even as he begins a leisurely, steady rhythm with his hips.
As always, in situations like these, when he feels so damn good and he wants to make the other person feel so damn good, he has the desire to babble, to say everything that comes to mind, but much of that would come out far too profane for her apparently delicate ears, so through some effort (and by quite literally biting his lip for a moment) he manages to stay quiet.]
[A shudder tears through her, her breath escaping her in a quiet mewl, tensing when he presses forward: not from pain, or from discomfort, but from the raw strain of feeling her flesh parting to accept him, for the first time in a long while. Still, as long as he takes it slowly, and gently, everything should be all right.]
J-ames—
[When he has gone as far as he could, his name escapes her as a whimper, her pale brows drawn together in fleeting tension, willing the sharp clench of her muscles to settle. She attempts to focus on the comforting press of his hand against the curve of her hip, but it is a fleeting distraction when she can feel every press and shift of him. She struggles to quiet her thoughts, hoping she has not already been betrayed by the traces of anxiety in her expression: he mustn't think she finds it unpleasant—that isn't it at all. It's simply—overwhelming, especially for her fragile and sensitive nerves, and a moment may be required to adjust.
She is relieved when his hand cups her cheek, coaxing her to soften into his touch, soothing the abrupt tension in her body. She matches his kiss with an anguished, feverish urgency, reluctant for it to end. When he begins to set a slow rhythm, she feels a sense of loss when he pulls his lips away, watching his face intently, how he appears to restrain himself.]
—A-ah, are you, all right?
[She can barely speak, her voice breaking into high notes. Perhaps her concern is unwanted, or even ruining the moment, but the look of almost painful constraint worries her. Is he holding back, for her sake?]
[It's almost strange, hearing her calling him James, because not many people do, but somehow, he finds that he doesn't mind it all that much. He'd thought it would be odd, maybe a little disquieting, but it's not -- his name sounds good coming out of her mouth, especially whimpered in that way. Of course, of course the fleeting anxiety on her face makes him a little worried, afraid that he's doing something wrong, somehow, or inadvertently hurting her; he's trying his best to be gentle, but maybe he isn't gentle enough.
And then she's asking that strange question, asking him if he's all right, which seems like what he should be asking her, especially now. It makes him smile, though, even as he leans in to kiss her again, once more, almost as a reassurance.]
Of course I'm okay. Better than okay.
[If there's any doubt of that, it should be erased by his tone, which is at once tight with excitement and soft with something very likely reverence. Of course, he is holding back, just a little, but it doesn't bother him, doesn't make the feelings of his slow movements any less pleasurable, doesn't make him want to cup her cheek any less, or run his fingers over her hip any less.]
You okay?
[He may be able to speak a little better than her, but the question still trails off into a low groan at the end.]
[A tiny smile, relieved, embarrassed, and perhaps a touch exhausted, lights up her face when he comforts her, answering her absurd little question with a kiss like a prince from a fairy tale. Of course, he isn't really—but with the air of brooding, stoic yet strangely sweet, mystery that he carries about him, she can let her imagination conjure up wild stories about who he is.
She nods, not trusting herself to speak, her honeyed voice petering off into an uneven, hitching sigh, answering him in spite of her efforts to muffle her words. She is almost convinced she is half-way to ecstasy when he gives another shallow motion of his hips, making her soft and pliant in his arms. From how he looks, in this moment—handsome and fresh-faced, the expression of teasing delight curling at the corner of his mouth, the patterns of light and shadow in the room casting him in darkness—she is overcome by affection for him, adoration welling up in her heart.
She releases one hand from its tight grasp on the sheets, raising it to lay over his hand against the white curve of her cheek. She would like it, very much, if he were to hold her hand of his own accord, or some other small romantic gesture, but she lacks the innate confidence to ask. He might not even be in as romantic as a mood as she, rather, he seems to be drunk on lust—the low echo of his groan is like a spark of heat, or the first embers of a flame, red blooming in her cheeks at the pure, animal sound of it.]
[As soon as she nods, his smile only grows, because that's what he always seeks, isn't it: reassurance. He may not know it, but her approval is just as important to him, in this moment, as anything else possibly could be. Right now, all he can think of is pleasing her, in whatever way possible -- physically, yes, but there's something deeper there, too. He doesn't particularly waste time thinking on it, he just knows that making her show more of those tiny smiles, more of those little sighs, is the best thing he could possibly imagine.
For a moment, he feels almost dizzy, but it's not the considerable amount of alcohol that he's had tonight making his head spin; it's the way she looks right now, lying below him, holding onto the sheets like that, that makes him feel completely intoxicated. For a moment, his rhythm stutters a little, just looking at her, but he resumes it quickly enough, maybe even speeding up a little, certain now that he's not going to hurt her.
And when she puts her hand over his, he does turn his hand to face hers, palm to palm, and then twines their fingers together on top of the sheets. It's holding hands, and it seems to be what she wanted, although he doesn't particularly see it as a romantic gesture so much as a natural extension of the way they've already been touching -- though he is, very much so, in a romantic mood. Strange, how easily that mood comes to him, even as he doesn't bother to try to stifle another long, deep groan.]
[He laces their fingers together, pushes a little quicker, and the flicker of heat burns a little brighter. As pleasing as she finds his voice, her demure disposition is almost ashamed of enjoying the masculine cadence of his murmurs and sharp, pleasured breaths. Her heart quickens in time with his rhythm, the smooth pattern of sweat-slick flesh pressing flush against her.
But even more than their physical union, it's the small reminders of his fondness for her which are the most exciting: the casual way he is willing to hold her hand, how he is careful to watch her expression for unease, the softness of his kisses.
He makes the melancholy night feel a little warmer—like this means something more than visceral satisfaction. It feels like a consummation between lovers after a lifetime of separation, and despite never having known who he was before now, it's as if they were meant to end up together, all their lives—]
I—
[A gasp is torn from her throat, a muttering of "Oh, God", and every repetition of his name she can utter, a powerful shudder seizing her, with more strength than she would have thought herself capable of. Electric desire, heady and vulgar, is filling her head with every sort of madness and thought, urged on by the sweet haze of ecstasy, the premature precipice of completion.]
Love—
[Desperate and drunk, she never manages an end to her sentence, her voice reaching a shrill crescendo, her pearlescent nails digging into the callused skin of his hand. For a moment, she thinks she is almost at the edge of euphoria—but no, not quite. She is denied that catharsis, at least momentarily.]
[Had that nearly been a declaration of love? He thinks it might have been, but then, it had been all swept up in the other noises she'd been making, and maybe that's not what it had been intended to be at all, maybe he'd just been hearing it wrong, hearing what he might have wanted to hear -- because, yes, he can admit to himself that that's the sort of thing that would make him feel very good indeed, even if he weren't quite sure he could return those feelings yet.
But with their fingers twined together and with the way she's gasping and with the way she feels, he's almost certain that that love could grow, and quickly. Is it dangerous? He's almost certain it is. And yet, he's never been known for thinking with his head when it comes to matters of the heart, and as he runs his free hand down her body again, slowly, searchingly, feeling every single one of those curves, wanting to trace over every inch of skin, he's absolutely not applying logic to any of this.
All he knows is that he feels good, that she feels good, that he doesn't want to stop, that it feels like, if not love, a pretty good imitation of it.]
Daisy...
[There might be something else there, too, something he'd say in return, maybe even something loving, but he just can't manage to get the words together, not when he's so busy concentrating on keeping a steady rhythm, not when he can feel the way her nails are digging into his hand. He wants to make this perfect for her, wants to make it memorable, wants to give her everything he possibly can, and that's the only thing his brain can possibly concentrate on. The question of feelings can come later.]
[It stings, a little more than it should, when she can't finish speaking what she yearns to say the most—worse, that he doesn't return the sentiment with an oath of his own. She tries her best to ward away those dark, troubling thoughts, pressing insistently to the forefront of her mind, encroaching in on the pleasure which keeps her tantalizingly on the edge, white sparks dancing before her eyes.
Her name slipping past his lips is as strong an aphrodisiac as any number of embraces and frenzied kisses they have shared, and she encourages him to speak more with the tilt of her white hips, but nothing else comes. His hand wanders from a plump breast to lower down, almost as if he were idolizing her, and the ache of denied completion makes her feel like a girl on the cusp of womanhood—a flower not yet in bloom, premature.
In spite of how his movements are steady, and strong, and what should be in every way satisfying—all the carnal delights she had reveled in just moments before are still not enough, to reach that elusive state of rapture. The sweat on her skin cools like dew, as if the magic hour is slipping away—she holds his hand tighter, her thighs tensing, receiving everything he offers her, and trying to give in return, but—
Something within her, some physical imperfection or flaw in her constitution, prevents her still.]
[He can feel the way she's tensing, the way she's clutching at him, and he feels certain she must be close to the edge, must be so close to reaching that pinnacle of pleasure, and he's glad for it, both because he wants her to feel good, wants her to feel as perfect as she seems to him, and because he's reaching that point himself, too. He knows he's past the point of no return, now, that he couldn't very likely stop if he wanted to, and he can only hope that she's being swept along with him.
It only takes a few more movements, hand gripping on her hip again, tightening as the rush of pleasure washes over him, leaving him gasping out her name rapturously, reverently, eyes squeezed shut, movements stilling as he just concentrates on how perfect that sense of release feels. And, yes, maybe there's a curse or two gasped out amongst his other noises, but they're so garbled with pleasure as to be almost indistinguishable from anything else.
And yet, and yet, as his senses start to return to him, as he opens his eyes and looks down at her, breathing hard, not pulling away quite yet, but knowing that he'll have to soon enough, he thinks that perhaps she never reached that point herself. There's the possibility that she's simply quiet, that she'd felt amazing things that she'd never expressed, but if she had, he hadn't known it.
He feels all at once ashamed. He should be making her feel just as good as she'd made him feel. His fingers slide across her hip, down her thigh, just tracing lazy patterns now.]
You... okay?
[How else is he supposed to ask if she'd been satisfied? It isn't a question he's had much experience phrasing before.]
[It should be, it should be, she should be—and yet, she can feel him seizing up, can hear how he repeats her name in a state of bliss, watching his boyish face grow rigid, for a time, while he spends his pale pleasure. Everything essential is there, for the essential finish of either man or woman: heat, friction, emotion, and all other manner of indecent things she cannot bear to name, the sort of words found in tawdry books she was never supposed to read, and was scolded for if she dared to mention, in the garden of her girlhood youth.
But the matter was, even as a bride, even as a wife, the crux of ecstatic joy eluded her most often, very often, in actuality. And it seems to have eluded her once more, tonight—perhaps, she wonders morbidly, if not as punishment. But why should she deserve punishment, for loving another man in this manner, if he loves her as she loves him? If this is no summer interlude, but something true, and wonderful, and pure, then—why?
The breath rushes from her lips, drinking shallow sips of warm air, remembering his gaze on her, and a wan smile curling at her lips. She leans up, pressing a languid kiss to his mouth, sweet and demure.]
Perfectly.
[She lies, but the language of deception or slight darkening of the truth comes as natural to her as being moneyed and pampered—after all, learning to flatter in any condition is essential, if she is to survive in the smothering metropolis of New York.]
[Finally, after she leans up to kiss him and he kisses her back, he pulls away from her, but only for a moment, only long enough to rearrange himself, flopping down on the bed beside her none too gracefully, muscles feeling tired out -- but pleasantly so -- after all of that. He feels fuzzy, now, a little sleepy, but certainly satisfied. Yet he's still wondering if she's satisfied, even given her answer.
That's why, as he lies beside her, very close, not wanting to get up, not wanting to move, certainly not wanting to put clothes on, he thinks that perhaps there's more he could do for her. It seems only right, only desirable, that she should enjoy herself just as much as he had. She'd been so timid, after all, so shy about the whole thing, and to think that he's leaving her unsatisfied somehow is almost an unbearable thought.
And so that's why his hand makes its way up her thigh again, and his intent to slide his hand between her legs is completely clear. He knows he can do things with his hands that'll have her gasping out his name again, and he only hopes that she'll give him the chance, that she's not entirely disappointed in him.]
I can make it even better.
[It's just a quiet murmur, really, because it's hard to stir up the energy for any more than that, but she'll certain hear it.]
[Her smiles grows a little more thinner, wavering and slightly less convincing, her unfulfilled flesh still reacting to the light wandering touch of his hand. She tries to soothe him, to convince him that she is more than all right, to flatter him enough that he could forget the whole scandalous, ludicrous idea. Yet her words are becoming increasingly transparent, when there is still a hot slickness between her thighs, swollen pink and unsatisfied.
When she feels his thumb brush close to forbidden heat, she startles once, shuddering strongly from just the barest pressure. His drowsy, affected manner of speech sounds adorably humble, and she couldn't bear the thought of rousing him from his peace because of her own unbecoming lack of pleasure, because she lacks the knowledge that every young and vivacious young girl should have every experience in. And what sort of a woman does that make her?
Her hands clasp fast over his, fastening over his wrist with a wary refusal.]
You'll spoil me rotten, if you try—
[She attempts to speak in a light, teasing tone, but it sounds more frayed and fragile than she would like.]
[If it were just teasing, if it were just a slightly embarrassed refusal with the secret desire of him pressing further, he'd keep going, keep trying to satisfy her, but he can hear in her tone that she really doesn't want him to. It's hard to tell why, and maybe he'd understand better if he weren't so fuzzy and dizzy and pleasantly worn out, but the last thing he wants to do is turn the night sour. Her grip on his wrist is sign enough that he shouldn't progress further, that he should let things stand where they are.
So he draws his hand back, smiling at her a little, setting his hand on the sheets between them, somewhere safe where she can't possibly think he'll try anything more.]
Okay, if you say so.
[There's still that dangling offer in his tone, of course, the indication that if she wants anything at all, he's more than willing to provide. But, more importantly, he wants her to know that he listens to what she wants, that he doesn't simply do as he pleases. That seems important to impart to her, when she has such a fragile tone, when she's been so shy all night.]
[She watches his hand drift away, laid down to rest between them, realizing with utter finality that the opportunity to reclaim a pleasure once denied would not come twice—that tonight would be their first and last night together, at least, for a very long while.
Soon, he would return down to the bright beaches of Atlantic City, and she would be swept off to Chicago, or perhaps to New York, as her husband had discussed to be their next destination—the phantom city where a figure from her past departed forever, with only a paper trail of infrequent letters left in his absence. He will return to his mysterious line of business, and she will be taken up again to the martial bed whenever her spouse craves a Southern spice, and this budding adoration and affection will be nothing, but a bittersweet memory by the sea.
She leans in, not for another impassioned kiss, but to rest the curve of her cheek against his collarbone, listening to the drumming of his heart and the faint rhythm of his evening breaths.]
I wish...
[Her own physical dissatisfaction with their consummation is but a trifle, in comparison to the knowledge that they can never again steal off for a secret rendezvous beneath the moonlight, that she is just an interlude to him in the bustle of life, and that her heart is almost bursting with unrequited affection for him, in its every beat.]
I wish we could've met, before tonight.
[She murmurs with a melancholy sigh, tilting her chin up to look at his face.]
[He smiles when she moves close, when she rests her cheek against his collarbone, but it's a melancholy smile, because he's thinking exactly the same thing. They can prolong this night as long as they want to, but of course morning will come soon enough. It's not as though they can stop time, though at the moment, he'd certainly like to. He's not always one to think about the future, almost always prefers to live in the moment, but he can't help but think about it now -- how she's going to go back to that awful husband of hers, and he'll have to go back to...
Well. It's different. He loves his wife, but that's not a situation he can bear to think about right now, not with Daisy lying here, pressed against his chest. His arm wraps around her shoulders, pulls her closer, greedy for any kind of physical intimacy he can still draw out of the night. It's not over yet, not until one of them leaves.
Her words strike him as exactly what he'd been thinking, exactly what he'd been about to say, and he nods sleepily, trying to come up with some response that doesn't sound trite or sad, but that also promises some kind of hope for the future.]
Yeah, me too. But maybe...
[Maybe what? He knows she doesn't belong in Atlantic City, and he's partially glad for it, because he doesn't think she'd like it much. As he's always thought, it's an alright place to visit, when you don't see the decay and rot so close beneath the surface. She deserves better than that.]
[Her heart flutters feebly, a brief sunspot of hope stirring at the mention of meeting again, stretching across states and time for one brief, shining moment of bliss—imagine them, being able to stroll along the boardwalk arm in arm, or sharing coffee and sweet tea at an open café in the warm spring sunlight, or exchanging kisses as innocently as any untroubled couple might.
Yet just as quickly, the illusion is filled with cracks and flaws, the thin veneer of the fantasy as flimsy and fragile as silk thread. No city will feel as comfortable or welcoming as this little hotel room, not while she still wears a diamond upon her finger and a bruise upon her skin, not while he still remains an enigma to her.]
If it's not terribly forward—
[She nods meekly, her eyes bright with tears, a telltale dampness having clung to her lashes. She presses drowsily into the secure warmth of his arms, and just when it seems as if the silence will stretch on into an eternity, she drawls out in a hesitant, but quite serious tone:]
May I have a good bye?
[Let him take it as he will, let him devise the meaning behind her words. What-ever he may give as a departing gift, she wants, so desperately, some sweet ending to the night. She smiles as if holding together the fragments of her heart, to prevent it from breaking.]
[He could take that in many ways, could take it as a completely sexual desire, could take it as something entirely sweet, and he knows it's up for him to interpret it as he will. He can also tell that there're tears in her eyes, that she's feeling sad about their parting, and recognizes that he is, too.
It's hard to imagine that he could develop feelings for someone quite so quickly after meeting them, but he hadn't been lying when he'd said that he could come to love her. Maybe he even is beginning to love her, in some sense. It's not necessarily a wise choice, and he knows it, but that doesn't matter, not nearly as much as the affection he feels for her.
So he pulls her even closer still, pressing another kiss to her lips, just as passionate and just as filled with affection as the previous ones had been.]
You can stay here, y'know. We can both stay here.
[Another bad idea? She has a husband to get back to. He has... well, that doesn't matter. That doesn't stop him from wanting to make the night last longer, though.]
[It's a mad idea, but when he hold her so close, his kiss as intoxicating as any amount of champagne or cigarettes, how could she refuse? If just for now, if just for tonight, she wants to believe that they could escape the confines of their own lives. That, for once, he may see her as more than the world sees her—as more than just the dreamy darling wife of an esteemed empire, as more than just a golden girl who wants for nothing, who longs for nothing, and certainly is not vulnerable to the ache of heartbreak.]
I want to stay.
[She confesses, soft but resolute. If she could, she would rather spend not just tonight, but tomorrow, and perhaps even the day after, with him in this private hotel, this room where everything else beyond him and his ecstatic touch seems to no longer exist.
She entwines her arms around his shoulders, pressing one, two, then three chaste kisses to his mouth in succession, each with increasing desperation, a combination of grief and longing with eroticism and romance, equal parts sweet and bitter.]
[It seems that simple to him, although he knows it isn't. He knows there could be all kinds of consequences, especially because she has a husband who might be looking for her, one who might suspect something like this if she stays out all night. But his desires overwhelm his ability to think logically about it, and though he knows there are all kinds of reasons they shouldn't do this...
Well, the way she kisses back, the way she expresses her desire to stay, that's enough to outweigh anything else. And though he can feel the sadness in her kiss, he can feel the desire, too, and he likes it, wants to encourage it.
So he just holds her close, kissing her back, squeezing her tightly, as though he doesn't want to let go at all.]
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no subject
So when she breaks the kiss, he isn't thinking about the doubts she might be having, about the way she might be questioning what he wants. He thinks it's obvious, anyway, especially from the way he finally pulls away from her for a moment for the sake of tugging his underwear off, too. There: they're both equally undressed.
And of course, of course, now that they're in this state, what is he supposed to do but lean down to plant another kiss on her collarbone, then begin to nudge her thighs apart, wondering if she'll really let him, wondering how she'll respond to all of it, wanting nothing more than to finally be inside of her, but wondering... Well, yes, wondering about all of it. That's why he pauses, just before going further, just before finally doing what he's been wanting to do all night, to ask...]
Is it okay?
[It seems right, somehow, to have her distinct permission, and, of course, a selfish and egotistical part of him wants to hear how much desire there is in her tone, if it's audible.]
no subject
[Her breath hitches, a little timid noise of pleasure catching in her throat when his hands press into the soft skin of her thighs, parting them with a surprisingly sweet amount of tenderness. In terms of experience, she knows well enough of the process—but in reality, it seems like ages since she has shivered and cried out beneath caresses as patient as his, since she has gone to the bed for anything more than an unpleasant interlude of friction, blood, and stinging pain.
His question initially fails to register, enraptured by the low tone of his voice, heavy and guttural with carnal hunger. Was it all right, he was asking—she should be the one asking, shouldn't she? His garbled messages and mixed signals are confusing her something awful, but—from how he hesitates, wanting to know her mind before proceeding any further, she wants to believe his answer would be—]
Yes.
[She confesses softly, in an almost lilting tone, her voice weak and wavering. Not from reluctance, but sheer shame of having to say it aloud, the color in her cheeks deepening. Finally, she gradually brings her knees up for him, revealing pink folds nestled amongst white skin.]
no subject
So there's really only one thing left to do, and there's no way he can hide just how excited he is that he's finally getting to do it -- still, though, his movements are slow and gentle as he presses into her, not wanting to hurt her, not wanting any reason for this to be unpleasant for her.
And he certainly can't help the deep intake of breath he makes when he's finally buried deep inside of her, one of his hands braced on her hip -- though not the one with the bruise -- and his other hand cupping her cheek again, leaning down for a kiss even as he begins a leisurely, steady rhythm with his hips.
As always, in situations like these, when he feels so damn good and he wants to make the other person feel so damn good, he has the desire to babble, to say everything that comes to mind, but much of that would come out far too profane for her apparently delicate ears, so through some effort (and by quite literally biting his lip for a moment) he manages to stay quiet.]
no subject
J-ames—
[When he has gone as far as he could, his name escapes her as a whimper, her pale brows drawn together in fleeting tension, willing the sharp clench of her muscles to settle. She attempts to focus on the comforting press of his hand against the curve of her hip, but it is a fleeting distraction when she can feel every press and shift of him. She struggles to quiet her thoughts, hoping she has not already been betrayed by the traces of anxiety in her expression: he mustn't think she finds it unpleasant—that isn't it at all. It's simply—overwhelming, especially for her fragile and sensitive nerves, and a moment may be required to adjust.
She is relieved when his hand cups her cheek, coaxing her to soften into his touch, soothing the abrupt tension in her body. She matches his kiss with an anguished, feverish urgency, reluctant for it to end. When he begins to set a slow rhythm, she feels a sense of loss when he pulls his lips away, watching his face intently, how he appears to restrain himself.]
—A-ah, are you, all right?
[She can barely speak, her voice breaking into high notes. Perhaps her concern is unwanted, or even ruining the moment, but the look of almost painful constraint worries her. Is he holding back, for her sake?]
no subject
And then she's asking that strange question, asking him if he's all right, which seems like what he should be asking her, especially now. It makes him smile, though, even as he leans in to kiss her again, once more, almost as a reassurance.]
Of course I'm okay. Better than okay.
[If there's any doubt of that, it should be erased by his tone, which is at once tight with excitement and soft with something very likely reverence. Of course, he is holding back, just a little, but it doesn't bother him, doesn't make the feelings of his slow movements any less pleasurable, doesn't make him want to cup her cheek any less, or run his fingers over her hip any less.]
You okay?
[He may be able to speak a little better than her, but the question still trails off into a low groan at the end.]
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She nods, not trusting herself to speak, her honeyed voice petering off into an uneven, hitching sigh, answering him in spite of her efforts to muffle her words. She is almost convinced she is half-way to ecstasy when he gives another shallow motion of his hips, making her soft and pliant in his arms. From how he looks, in this moment—handsome and fresh-faced, the expression of teasing delight curling at the corner of his mouth, the patterns of light and shadow in the room casting him in darkness—she is overcome by affection for him, adoration welling up in her heart.
She releases one hand from its tight grasp on the sheets, raising it to lay over his hand against the white curve of her cheek. She would like it, very much, if he were to hold her hand of his own accord, or some other small romantic gesture, but she lacks the innate confidence to ask. He might not even be in as romantic as a mood as she, rather, he seems to be drunk on lust—the low echo of his groan is like a spark of heat, or the first embers of a flame, red blooming in her cheeks at the pure, animal sound of it.]
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For a moment, he feels almost dizzy, but it's not the considerable amount of alcohol that he's had tonight making his head spin; it's the way she looks right now, lying below him, holding onto the sheets like that, that makes him feel completely intoxicated. For a moment, his rhythm stutters a little, just looking at her, but he resumes it quickly enough, maybe even speeding up a little, certain now that he's not going to hurt her.
And when she puts her hand over his, he does turn his hand to face hers, palm to palm, and then twines their fingers together on top of the sheets. It's holding hands, and it seems to be what she wanted, although he doesn't particularly see it as a romantic gesture so much as a natural extension of the way they've already been touching -- though he is, very much so, in a romantic mood. Strange, how easily that mood comes to him, even as he doesn't bother to try to stifle another long, deep groan.]
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But even more than their physical union, it's the small reminders of his fondness for her which are the most exciting: the casual way he is willing to hold her hand, how he is careful to watch her expression for unease, the softness of his kisses.
He makes the melancholy night feel a little warmer—like this means something more than visceral satisfaction. It feels like a consummation between lovers after a lifetime of separation, and despite never having known who he was before now, it's as if they were meant to end up together, all their lives—]
I—
[A gasp is torn from her throat, a muttering of "Oh, God", and every repetition of his name she can utter, a powerful shudder seizing her, with more strength than she would have thought herself capable of. Electric desire, heady and vulgar, is filling her head with every sort of madness and thought, urged on by the sweet haze of ecstasy, the premature precipice of completion.]
Love—
[Desperate and drunk, she never manages an end to her sentence, her voice reaching a shrill crescendo, her pearlescent nails digging into the callused skin of his hand. For a moment, she thinks she is almost at the edge of euphoria—but no, not quite. She is denied that catharsis, at least momentarily.]
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But with their fingers twined together and with the way she's gasping and with the way she feels, he's almost certain that that love could grow, and quickly. Is it dangerous? He's almost certain it is. And yet, he's never been known for thinking with his head when it comes to matters of the heart, and as he runs his free hand down her body again, slowly, searchingly, feeling every single one of those curves, wanting to trace over every inch of skin, he's absolutely not applying logic to any of this.
All he knows is that he feels good, that she feels good, that he doesn't want to stop, that it feels like, if not love, a pretty good imitation of it.]
Daisy...
[There might be something else there, too, something he'd say in return, maybe even something loving, but he just can't manage to get the words together, not when he's so busy concentrating on keeping a steady rhythm, not when he can feel the way her nails are digging into his hand. He wants to make this perfect for her, wants to make it memorable, wants to give her everything he possibly can, and that's the only thing his brain can possibly concentrate on. The question of feelings can come later.]
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Her name slipping past his lips is as strong an aphrodisiac as any number of embraces and frenzied kisses they have shared, and she encourages him to speak more with the tilt of her white hips, but nothing else comes. His hand wanders from a plump breast to lower down, almost as if he were idolizing her, and the ache of denied completion makes her feel like a girl on the cusp of womanhood—a flower not yet in bloom, premature.
In spite of how his movements are steady, and strong, and what should be in every way satisfying—all the carnal delights she had reveled in just moments before are still not enough, to reach that elusive state of rapture. The sweat on her skin cools like dew, as if the magic hour is slipping away—she holds his hand tighter, her thighs tensing, receiving everything he offers her, and trying to give in return, but—
Something within her, some physical imperfection or flaw in her constitution, prevents her still.]
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It only takes a few more movements, hand gripping on her hip again, tightening as the rush of pleasure washes over him, leaving him gasping out her name rapturously, reverently, eyes squeezed shut, movements stilling as he just concentrates on how perfect that sense of release feels. And, yes, maybe there's a curse or two gasped out amongst his other noises, but they're so garbled with pleasure as to be almost indistinguishable from anything else.
And yet, and yet, as his senses start to return to him, as he opens his eyes and looks down at her, breathing hard, not pulling away quite yet, but knowing that he'll have to soon enough, he thinks that perhaps she never reached that point herself. There's the possibility that she's simply quiet, that she'd felt amazing things that she'd never expressed, but if she had, he hadn't known it.
He feels all at once ashamed. He should be making her feel just as good as she'd made him feel. His fingers slide across her hip, down her thigh, just tracing lazy patterns now.]
You... okay?
[How else is he supposed to ask if she'd been satisfied? It isn't a question he's had much experience phrasing before.]
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But the matter was, even as a bride, even as a wife, the crux of ecstatic joy eluded her most often, very often, in actuality. And it seems to have eluded her once more, tonight—perhaps, she wonders morbidly, if not as punishment. But why should she deserve punishment, for loving another man in this manner, if he loves her as she loves him? If this is no summer interlude, but something true, and wonderful, and pure, then—why?
The breath rushes from her lips, drinking shallow sips of warm air, remembering his gaze on her, and a wan smile curling at her lips. She leans up, pressing a languid kiss to his mouth, sweet and demure.]
Perfectly.
[She lies, but the language of deception or slight darkening of the truth comes as natural to her as being moneyed and pampered—after all, learning to flatter in any condition is essential, if she is to survive in the smothering metropolis of New York.]
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That's why, as he lies beside her, very close, not wanting to get up, not wanting to move, certainly not wanting to put clothes on, he thinks that perhaps there's more he could do for her. It seems only right, only desirable, that she should enjoy herself just as much as he had. She'd been so timid, after all, so shy about the whole thing, and to think that he's leaving her unsatisfied somehow is almost an unbearable thought.
And so that's why his hand makes its way up her thigh again, and his intent to slide his hand between her legs is completely clear. He knows he can do things with his hands that'll have her gasping out his name again, and he only hopes that she'll give him the chance, that she's not entirely disappointed in him.]
I can make it even better.
[It's just a quiet murmur, really, because it's hard to stir up the energy for any more than that, but she'll certain hear it.]
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[Her smiles grows a little more thinner, wavering and slightly less convincing, her unfulfilled flesh still reacting to the light wandering touch of his hand. She tries to soothe him, to convince him that she is more than all right, to flatter him enough that he could forget the whole scandalous, ludicrous idea. Yet her words are becoming increasingly transparent, when there is still a hot slickness between her thighs, swollen pink and unsatisfied.
When she feels his thumb brush close to forbidden heat, she startles once, shuddering strongly from just the barest pressure. His drowsy, affected manner of speech sounds adorably humble, and she couldn't bear the thought of rousing him from his peace because of her own unbecoming lack of pleasure, because she lacks the knowledge that every young and vivacious young girl should have every experience in. And what sort of a woman does that make her?
Her hands clasp fast over his, fastening over his wrist with a wary refusal.]
You'll spoil me rotten, if you try—
[She attempts to speak in a light, teasing tone, but it sounds more frayed and fragile than she would like.]
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So he draws his hand back, smiling at her a little, setting his hand on the sheets between them, somewhere safe where she can't possibly think he'll try anything more.]
Okay, if you say so.
[There's still that dangling offer in his tone, of course, the indication that if she wants anything at all, he's more than willing to provide. But, more importantly, he wants her to know that he listens to what she wants, that he doesn't simply do as he pleases. That seems important to impart to her, when she has such a fragile tone, when she's been so shy all night.]
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Soon, he would return down to the bright beaches of Atlantic City, and she would be swept off to Chicago, or perhaps to New York, as her husband had discussed to be their next destination—the phantom city where a figure from her past departed forever, with only a paper trail of infrequent letters left in his absence. He will return to his mysterious line of business, and she will be taken up again to the martial bed whenever her spouse craves a Southern spice, and this budding adoration and affection will be nothing, but a bittersweet memory by the sea.
She leans in, not for another impassioned kiss, but to rest the curve of her cheek against his collarbone, listening to the drumming of his heart and the faint rhythm of his evening breaths.]
I wish...
[Her own physical dissatisfaction with their consummation is but a trifle, in comparison to the knowledge that they can never again steal off for a secret rendezvous beneath the moonlight, that she is just an interlude to him in the bustle of life, and that her heart is almost bursting with unrequited affection for him, in its every beat.]
I wish we could've met, before tonight.
[She murmurs with a melancholy sigh, tilting her chin up to look at his face.]
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Well. It's different. He loves his wife, but that's not a situation he can bear to think about right now, not with Daisy lying here, pressed against his chest. His arm wraps around her shoulders, pulls her closer, greedy for any kind of physical intimacy he can still draw out of the night. It's not over yet, not until one of them leaves.
Her words strike him as exactly what he'd been thinking, exactly what he'd been about to say, and he nods sleepily, trying to come up with some response that doesn't sound trite or sad, but that also promises some kind of hope for the future.]
Yeah, me too. But maybe...
[Maybe what? He knows she doesn't belong in Atlantic City, and he's partially glad for it, because he doesn't think she'd like it much. As he's always thought, it's an alright place to visit, when you don't see the decay and rot so close beneath the surface. She deserves better than that.]
Maybe we'll meet again, y'know? I'd like to.
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Yet just as quickly, the illusion is filled with cracks and flaws, the thin veneer of the fantasy as flimsy and fragile as silk thread. No city will feel as comfortable or welcoming as this little hotel room, not while she still wears a diamond upon her finger and a bruise upon her skin, not while he still remains an enigma to her.]
If it's not terribly forward—
[She nods meekly, her eyes bright with tears, a telltale dampness having clung to her lashes. She presses drowsily into the secure warmth of his arms, and just when it seems as if the silence will stretch on into an eternity, she drawls out in a hesitant, but quite serious tone:]
May I have a good bye?
[Let him take it as he will, let him devise the meaning behind her words. What-ever he may give as a departing gift, she wants, so desperately, some sweet ending to the night. She smiles as if holding together the fragments of her heart, to prevent it from breaking.]
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It's hard to imagine that he could develop feelings for someone quite so quickly after meeting them, but he hadn't been lying when he'd said that he could come to love her. Maybe he even is beginning to love her, in some sense. It's not necessarily a wise choice, and he knows it, but that doesn't matter, not nearly as much as the affection he feels for her.
So he pulls her even closer still, pressing another kiss to her lips, just as passionate and just as filled with affection as the previous ones had been.]
You can stay here, y'know. We can both stay here.
[Another bad idea? She has a husband to get back to. He has... well, that doesn't matter. That doesn't stop him from wanting to make the night last longer, though.]
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[It's a mad idea, but when he hold her so close, his kiss as intoxicating as any amount of champagne or cigarettes, how could she refuse? If just for now, if just for tonight, she wants to believe that they could escape the confines of their own lives. That, for once, he may see her as more than the world sees her—as more than just the dreamy darling wife of an esteemed empire, as more than just a golden girl who wants for nothing, who longs for nothing, and certainly is not vulnerable to the ache of heartbreak.]
I want to stay.
[She confesses, soft but resolute. If she could, she would rather spend not just tonight, but tomorrow, and perhaps even the day after, with him in this private hotel, this room where everything else beyond him and his ecstatic touch seems to no longer exist.
She entwines her arms around his shoulders, pressing one, two, then three chaste kisses to his mouth in succession, each with increasing desperation, a combination of grief and longing with eroticism and romance, equal parts sweet and bitter.]
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[It seems that simple to him, although he knows it isn't. He knows there could be all kinds of consequences, especially because she has a husband who might be looking for her, one who might suspect something like this if she stays out all night. But his desires overwhelm his ability to think logically about it, and though he knows there are all kinds of reasons they shouldn't do this...
Well, the way she kisses back, the way she expresses her desire to stay, that's enough to outweigh anything else. And though he can feel the sadness in her kiss, he can feel the desire, too, and he likes it, wants to encourage it.
So he just holds her close, kissing her back, squeezing her tightly, as though he doesn't want to let go at all.]