[And maybe he should like parties better than he does. He's always been good at making his own entertainment, after all, and there's plenty that parties offer in the way of diversions. An odd conversation in a private garden is just one of those things, and he has to admit, he's enjoying this. But this, what they're doing right here, isn't precisely a party, is it? It just happens to be attached to one. It's a moment of calm outside of the whirlwind inside. And it sounds as though she enjoys the whirlwind much more than he himself does.]
Or when someone tells me I gotta attend one.
[Because there're plenty of those, too, aren't there? Parties he'd never go to on his own, ones where he feels self-conscious and out of his depth, trying to navigate in a world that everyone had always wanted him to prepare himself for but that he's never quite fit into, no matter who his father is, no matter who had raised him. He shrugs, as though it's perfectly normal to be instructed to attend parties, and maybe it is; everyone has business they must attend to, or families to please, and for him, those two things are almost synonymous.
But she still doesn't seem to know who he is, and he wonders whether, if she knew who he worked for, who he associated with, she'd recognize those names, either. She's described herself as a fool, but he doubts that she's completely unaware of what's going on in the world around her. Just by sitting here, just by speaking to her, does he somehow exude the telltale signs of being a criminal, a gangster, someone doomed to hell, from his very pores?]
[Bewilderment gives way to wonder, turning to glance up curiously at his reply. As cool and composed as he is, she wouldn't have figured him to enjoy lavish events; as he said, it was "for business". But to be ordered to attend...that just adds another layer of intrigue.]
What do you do?
[She asks, on a whim, watching his expression. The atmosphere had struck her as romantic, before, with fireflies casting a dim glow and feeling so secluded from the rest of the world—but now, it feels only slightly cold and vacant, without a hand to hold or a warm shoulder to rest against, having a conversation which is just as odd as the man before her.
She should have gone inside, long ago: it is surely an obscene hour, so early into the morning it is indistinguishable from night. If not for the intrusion, she would have fled to wait in the comfort of indoors. But this far into their little talk, it would be brutish to leave without notice, and—and, she likes the frank cadence of his voice.
She has so very few friends, these days, she thinks she wouldn't mind just one more.]
[That's a simple enough statement, but it's bleak, too. It's true; he takes orders, always has. He'd done it when he'd been in the army, and he does it now that he's back home. He'd thought he'd become his own man, thought he'd blossom into whatever it was people were expecting of him (to be his father's son, whatever that meant, or to be like Nucky's son, which was easier to imagine but harder to achieve, somehow) but he'd come back to a place where he did what he was told to do, just like he'd done when he was gone.
And was it really so different than being away at war? Different kind of trenches, sure, but trenches all the same.]
I help facilitate business deals. That means I show up at a lot of parties.
[It sounds better than calling himself an enforcer, but the implication is there, nevertheless, if she cares to look for it. It's not like he's ashamed at what he does, precisely. Why should he be? It's a job, like any other, and besides, he's already pretty goddamn certain that he's going to hell. He's been destined for that for a long time. At this point, what's it going to matter if he adds a couple more crimes to the endless tally of them?]
[Another vague answer—but then, she reminds herself, she never requested details. It only cultivates the air of mystery about him, the image of the dark, tall stranger coming into her life and turning the night into a whirlwind of excitement. She has enough thrills and risks in her life as it is: the scandal of potential discovery, the danger of ill-repute, the notoriety of being disloyal to her spouse.
It terrifies as much as it exhilarates her.
She wonders if he's being vague for the sole purpose of teasing her, or if another reason lies behind his deliberate silences. Law enforcement? Or something more? She decides not to dwell on that particular thought, instead raising her hand to stifle a smile at his question. As if she could work—she is too frail, too soft to be exposed to the world of corporate beasts—as if he doesn't see the wealth which clings to her as silver and furs.]
I stay at home.
[She corrects him delicately, to show she hadn't been amused at his expense. And really, that is all she does: occasionally she visits the golfing tournaments, or attends opulent gatherings, but on the whole when her spouse is gone and her friends are absent, there is little else to do than sit by oneself in a room void of life and laughter.]
Yeah, but what do you do? You don't just stare at the walls all day, right?
[Because nobody could simply sit at home and do nothing, could they? Angela stays home, too, but she paints, she has things to pass her time, and he's glad for it, because it means he can feel moderately less guilty when he's away for days at a time, when he's away like he is right now, spending the evening in a secluded garden with someone he barely knows, someone very beautiful. It's not the first time it's happened, and it likely won't be the last.
And again, he recognizes, he's pressing her. Asking her for more than she'd offered, and maybe he should simply take her at her word. Maybe she really is a fool, who does nothing at all, who obviously has money, but, from the way she tells it, very little in the way of substance, save attending these parties. Somehow, though, he doesn't believe that's all there is to her.
Is it just a desire to read more into people than what's really there? He's always been inclined to pry, inclined to dig too deeply, but for just a second, he wonders what it is he sees in her that makes him poke at her in this way. It's teasing, in a sense, but genuinely curious, too, more pointed than simple idle banter.]
I am a champion golfer. [She says with a trace of a smile and some measure of pride, although she hadn't practiced the sport in years, her hands long having lost their strength and grip, too delicate to hold chrome clubs for hours on end beneath the unforgiving sun now.]
There's the radio. I drink, I dance, I wait for company to visit. [Saying it now, she is acutely aware of how lonely it must sound, isolated in white rooms with only servants for company, and she hastens to add:]
If they do visit, we have a marvelous time. It's usually a—a very nice time.
[But somehow, her efforts to sound impressive just feel all the more desperate to endear to him. People don't ask what she does, they just assume she must have a bursting agenda. With all the money in the world, who cares for what she occupies her time with? She is the wife of a man of prestige and pride, the friend of celebrities, the center of a hive of gossip. People just assume that she is naturally joyous, with possessions replacing human interaction. Who needs the touch of a lover or the conversation of a close companion when there are so many incessant things to purchase?]
What about when you're not working?
[She turns the topic to him, anything to keep the air light between them.]
[Is that what people do when they're alone all day? He doesn't know if that's typical, or if that's just her life. It doesn't sound sad, to him, not really, because who is he to judge the sadness of anyone else's life, considering his own, but it does sound lonely. If she doesn't have people visiting, she must spend most of her time in a solitary way. He appreciates solitude, certainly, but he appreciates having Angela and Tommy around, their noises, their existence in his life, too.
And then, of course, she's turning the question back around on him, as he should have expected she would, and he chuckles quietly.]
Well, not golf. You'd have me beat at that.
[Because he does hear that pride in her voice, and thinks she must be very talented at the sport, and he's never quite gotten the hang of it. He's too clumsy, maybe, or his movements are too sweeping and huge.]
I guess I do all the normal kinda things. I spend time with my son, usually on the beach, I spend time with my wife [When she wants to spend time with him, which seems to be happening less and less these days.] I read, I drink, I've got all kindsa interests.
[Her smile flattens slightly while he talks, giving a purposeful little nod of her head to show she is listening, tactfully deciding to leave aside any prodding, curious questions of his family, his wife and son.
Another woman, she thinks, might demand why is he here, practically alone in this party, in this garden, talking to her and asking her a whole myriad of questions. Flirting, almost, blurring the borders between milquetoast politeness and deeply personal inquiries. But, she is not the sort of woman to foist her opinions on others, and she certainly lacks the sort of fire that a more spirited woman would have, in order to voice such demands.]
All kind of interests?
[She repeats, curious in the way she knows she shouldn't be. She watches him closely, as if trying to divulge what those interests could be, just from sight alone. When she speaks next, the slow burn of the South creeps thickly into her voice: a sweet, relaxed drawl which encourages a sense of trust between them. Somewhere, a foxtrot starts up in the distance, to a raucous wave of cheers. With the first few notes straining through the night air, it only takes her a moment to make up her mind. To not turn away, to not excuse herself inside, although by all means, she should. Gatsby will be looking for her. Worse, her husband will be looking for her. And yet...]
I don't suppose dancing is one of them?
[She remembers the flare of terror, of frustration and desperation, inquiring to her lover in low, heated tones exchanged between kisses: Can't we just have fun, like we used to? Why must theirs be a secret worth revealing, why must he not be content with her kingdom of lights, why must they tell Tom?
Mr. Darmody, however, offers a fine distraction from those dizzying questions. She offers him her hand, half-teasing.]
[That's vague enough to mean just about anything, and he figures each person who meets him'll assume differently, depending on how they see him. He's curious as to what type of assumptions someone like her would make about him, but he supposes he has time to find out, if they keep talking. Talking to her is far more enjoyable than the rest of the party, anyway; a moment away from the chaos inside, chaos that can so easily feel overwhelming and crushing. He wonders if she feels the same way.
And when she offers him her hand, well, what's he going to do except reach out and take it, smiling slightly at her question.]
I'm never gonna win any awards for my dancin', but there're times I find it enjoyable.
[Right now could be one of them, maybe, with the foxtrot playing in the distance and the two of them standing right here, facing each other. Before he has time to think about it further -- and really, he often prefers to act on spontaneity rather than planned thought -- he pulls her closer, beginning the first steps of the dance.]
[He whisks her to her feet, taking her white hand in his, and it is such a silly little moment of indulgence, something which should be politely refused and turned away with the merest of lukewarm smiles. But the brief spark of mutual connection, no matter how shallow or fleeting, has them caught together in this moment, for better or for worse. Whether they will part as strangers or a little closer than before is up to chance, and it is a (dangerous, risky, foolish) chance to take, but one that they've taken and embraced with open arms.
She has never been much of a dancer, relying on the man to guide her through his lead, and the same goes for tonight. Her hands are slightly cool compared to the heat of his fingers, surprisingly sturdy and still, her slender weight resting against him. Attempting to match his steps with tentative movements, she squeezes a little tighter than necessary, betraying her nerves.
But then, why would she be anxious at all?]
I certainly hope this is one of those times.
[She chimes in, still speaking as if all the troubles in the world narrows down to whether her whims will be met or not, whether the music will keep playing and the drinks will keep liberally flowing. She is doing her utmost to dispel his image of her, distressed and as if about to cry, bothered by something as ridiculously trifling as morbid conversation. She has nearly made a terrible wreck of things, but to be fair, he is partly to blame, for demanding answers to questions which shouldn't be asked.
His hands feel rougher than a businessman's should be, patches of hard callouses pressed against her soft skin. Without a single word, he incites yet even more questions, with no answers supplied. No man ordered to attend gay little parties like this should feel so harsh to the touch, and again, the question lurks: Just who is he?]
[There are many, many things beyond dancing that he'd consider himself to have far more talent at. He always moves just a little stiffly, but then, he moves that way when he walks, too. At the very least, he's capable of leading someone through a foxtrot, especially someone who seems to willing to be led.
And yet he can see how nervous she is, which surprises him. Shouldn't someone like this, someone who's probably come to thousands upon thousands of parties, be used to dancing, or at least, not made anxious by it?
But those aren't questions he should ask of her, because he knows he's already distressed her, asking things that seem morbid and not particularly appropriate for the atmosphere of a party like this. He should probably just keep his mouth shut and concentrate on the dance, but he's never been great about keeping his thoughts to himself.
Still, he manages to lapse into silence for a moment, concentrating on the feeling of her soft hand, which is gripping his own rough hand so tightly, concentrating on the steps of the dance and of not making a fool out of either of them.]
[In this moment of quiet, the music freely fills in for the spaces between them, time seeming to slow while they put all their efforts into keeping up with the other's steps, and nothing else. Yet, the silence feels just as intimate as their conversation did, tip-toeing with such care around topics they should avoid, exchanging names and pleasantries but hardly knowing anything about one another, in the end. Her curiosity is burning at the forefront of her mind, the words already on her lips: Just what business are you in? But she is unable to ask, she finds that she doesn't want to ask, despite the urge to satisfy her interest in him.
She finds him very, oddly enough, interesting. It could just be his indirect way of answering, how he boldly propositions her with his own inquiries, how there has never been a man quite like him at one of these parties. He is not the same breed of polite gentlemen who constantly flock to her, or that of the ruthless gangster who lurks around the corners. He is an oddity in and of itself, since he first caught her eye in a suit of blue and a strange indifference to the world around him. Except when it comes to her: for some reason, she has caught his attention tonight, by miracle or by mistake.
The song ends, both far too quickly and seemingly after ages have passed, but Daisy falters. She doesn't break away from his arms—not instantaneously, at least. She remains still, clutching faintly at the warmth of his hand, as if straining her hearing for the crushing of dewy grass or the rustling of leaves, signalling the arrival of another person.
But no one else comes.]
Lying is a terrible habit, really. [She speaks first, sweating lightly from the exertion, or from the warm summer air. Finally, she moves away, her arms retreating to her sides. Their brief moment of contact is over, as is their charming dance.] I think your dancing is just adorable, Mr. Darmody.
[Jimmy doesn't always know how to fall silent, doesn't always know how to let himself stop talking and to just concentrate on the moment, on the calm, on the movements rather than on their voices, but he seems to manage it just fine, here. Maybe it's because he's afraid she's going to ask him question that he doesn't particularly want to answer (ones that will certainly break the mood, at the very least) or maybe it's because he knows that if he speaks, he'll undoubtedly ask her more questions that'll make her uncomfortable. It just seems to be what he does. It's not intentional, it's just inherent.
When the song ends, he's surprised to find that she doesn't draw away from him right away, though he's not at all surprised to find himself pleased by that fact. Yes, the fact that she's undeniably beautiful has a great deal to do with it -- he'd be stupid to tell himself otherwise -- but so does the fact that he's fascinated by her. There's something delicate about her, and yet...
And yet what? Maybe he's just trying to read mystery into a situation where there is none. Still, the fact that he'd found her sitting out here alone is enough to make him think there's more to her than meets the eye. He can't quite put his finger on it.]
'n I'm a terrible liar.
[Funny, how that could be taken a couple different ways. A bad liar, or terrible because he lies all the time, either way. She can take it how she wants.]
[She laughs, tittering behind her hand, delighted by how bluntly he states his compliments, as if his words are undeniable fact. It's nothing like the long, loving letters she has received in the past, singing her praises, or the gruff murmurs she had once believed and cherished with all her heart. But then, she had never pegged him to be a very romantic sort.]
You say awfully sweet things.
[It's a kind thought, all the same. That he even bothers to pay her a compliment at all is flattering. She has to admit, for such a sour turn the evening had taken before, their rendezvous is turning into a rather pleasant event. So long as they remain aware of themselves, sustaining the sense of superficial politeness between them. As long as they remember to keep their distance, and prevent stumbling into situations which are too close for comfort. The slight coolness in her demeanor tempers her enjoyment of the night, but so it must be. Dancing and chatting is all well and good, but if she forgets herself—if he forgets himself—
She is already walking on a thin, fraying tightrope as it is, with her husband's temper snapping at her heels. It is exhausting, between being the bitter wife and the adoring mistress, desperate to escape one world for the next, as if she can trade in gold for kisses and wealth for love. For a while, she prayed she could be happy that way, but even that is steadily unraveling, her balance slipping. Soon, the world will know, the papers will know, and her spouse will know. The time she has left to cherish her affair is slipping away as fast as the evening hours.
If she forgets herself—at the very least, the temporary happiness it yields would add yet another secret to her collection, and in the current state of things, she has enough secrets to feel suffocated by them all. Not that she would. Not that she is even tempted, to do something recklessly foolish with him. She must (or should) remain steadfast and unseduced by the low cadence to his voice, and his attractively straightforward mannerisms, and the lack of sugar coating which no other man has yet to afford her.
But remaining platonic does not mean lacking politeness, and to send him away would be very unpolite.]
You talk as if you're wicked, but you don't remind me of a single wicked thing.
[She has Gatsby. She has her beloved cousin and dear gaggle of friends, if not her own immediate family. She has a whole ensemble of people to socialize with and talk and dance with, just the same as she is doing with him. Nothing about tonight should feel wholly special, or unique, and yet—
And yet. The elusive cliff-hanger, the word which her mind continues to stumble over, struggling to finish her thought, always trailing off in a muddle of confusion. She should not, and yet—there is something.]
That's just 'cause you don't know me all that well yet.
[There's flirtation there, certainly, in adding the 'yet' to what could otherwise be a fairly straightforward observation. It's true, she doesn't really know him, not now, and perhaps not ever, and maybe that's for the best. She can continue to think he's just a somewhat blunt, somewhat aggressive guy whose true actions, whose true employment, who any number of things about remain a complete mystery.
If he were just the slightest bit more self-aware, he'd recognize that his blunt flirtations have a habit of getting him into trouble. Or maybe it's that he is self-aware, recognizes just how poorly being so frank with someone can go, especially someone he knows to be a married woman, and chooses to ignore it. He always has been fond of taking risks.]
So what do I remind you of?
[If not something wicked, then what? It's another one of those questions that might be just the slightest bit uncomfortable, that might just be pressing things a bit too far. It certainly has the possibility to be incisive, but that could also be the way he's gazing at her, blue eyes bright and wide, really waiting for an answer.
And yes, he has to admit, he's curious as to what she thinks of him, maybe through some odd form of egotism, maybe just because he likes that little laugh she'd given, the one she'd hidden behind her hand, and wants to keep talking to her in the hopes that he'll hear it again.]
[She realizes the implication of his reply, yet again foreboding but flattering all at once, vague and giving away nothing about him, only strengthening the air of mystery to him, like some dark, brooding hero from a penny dreadful. She should find it off-putting, and part of her heart trembles in unease, but he must, again, just be having a joke on her.
She struggles in answering him, not trying to evade his question, but simply trying to be honest. She can't draw a comparison to him and anything, because he blurs so many boundaries. He is blunt, and forward, almost rude, even—but he is also patient, and has the grace to know when he has pushed too far, and he has been willing to dance with an upset woman when there is nothing to gain from it.]
I don't know, I don't think I've ever met anyone like you.
[She shrugs one shoulder, as if hoping to pluck a more satisfactory answer from the air. Nothing in his question strikes her as egotistical—slightly authoritative perhaps, but nothing aggressive, nothing like the overbearing masculinity of her husband when he demands things from her, nothing cruel or harsh. There is no hint of violence simmering in his tone, or the familiar sort of thinning patience.
[He genuinely has to think about it, because although he should have
expected having the question turned back around on him, he hadn't, not
enough to prepare an adequate or glib response, at least. He pauses, both
for the sake of lighting himself another cigarette -- and offering her one,
of course -- and for the sake of stalling, trying to come up with an
answer.]
I guess you do, kinda.
[Should he really say it? It would be frank rather than flirtatious,
honest rather than flattery, and he's not sure she'll take it favorably.
Not everyone would, and he's still having a hard time trying to determine
just what type of person she is, what makes her smile and what makes her
look slightly afraid.]
You kinda remind me of a woman I used to know.
[It's saved from being at all flirtatious or lascivious by the
completely serious, almost sad expression on his face.]
But of course it ain't just that. You're your own person, too.
[It's all if the light-hearted atmosphere of the party has vanished, summer turning to winter. The somber quality to his tone, the hint of darkness flickering across her face makes her regret asking at all. What kind of girl was she, she wonders, if she could make him wear such a morbid, weary expression? What history must they have shared? But, after seeing him turn brooding and serious for the first time tonight, she does not dare ask for details.]
I shouldn't have asked.
[she murmurs, ashamed in her own way of having brought tender memories to the surface. She draws deeply from her new cigarette, tobacco crumbling away into gray ashes, at a loss for how to respond to something as private as he has just confessed.]
I'm sorry, if I upset you terribly.
[It doesn't feel nearly as powerful as it should. All the fumbling, fragile apologies in the world wouldn't be able to heal what-ever manner of wounds that are still causing him to suffer. Wild possibilities spring forth: a sick mistress, or a first wife, or something of that sort. Faceless women, about whom she has no business imagining what history he might have had with them. It's not her affair to pry into.]
[If he notices that he calls her by the probably altogether too comfortable moniker of 'kid,' he doesn't let on. It's just something that comes out of his mouth sometimes, intended to be affectionate and reassuring all at once. He smiles at her, and it's a genuine smile, not something dredged up just for the sake of preserving the atmosphere.
Though it's true, the last thing he wants to do is sadden her. The party should be enjoyable, just as sparkly and delightful as she is, not some kind of depressing affair -- though no matter what he does, he keeps making things somber, entirely by accident.]
Just a thought, that's all. Nothin' to worry about.
[He wonders, then, if that sounds dismissive, if he sounds like he's ordering her not to worry. Why is all of this so very fraught, so very hard to talk about? Emotions are always that way, he supposes -- just a big goddamned mess.]
[She blushes, color rising in her cheeks at being comforted as much at his foul language—perhaps it is presumptuous to even consider that she could upset him at all, but the look on his face was so troubling...
Not that it is her place to delve into his private matters, to dig into his past and uncover his buried memories, bitter or otherwise. He has a wife, after all, and who is she but just another party guest, some woman he has decided to speak with, just to pass the time? She knows little about him, just as he should know as little about her. They're little more than lukewarm strangers, acquaintances who pass in the night and cross paths, and she has no reason to fret over his frown, or—or to feel reassured by the sight of his smile.
She forces herself to laugh, then, a strange mixture of gin-induced giggles and the attempt to smother the lump of tears in her throat. Aren't they both a couple of wrecks? Her with her husband, him without his wife, both trying not to upset the other and making a regular disaster of the whole evening! It's almost funny, the whole business, in a morbid sort of way.]
Mr. Darmody—
[She struggles for a moment, grasping for the right words, how to assure him that she isn't in need of assuring, that she never meant to insult him, that he is a perfectly fine man and she never meant to imply he is in need of a woman—
Instead, she gives the most brilliant smile, her eyes damp and swallowing down everything she could never hope to say.]
[He says it slowly, like he's really savoring the sound of it, and
maybe he is. It suits her, he thinks, and the smile he gives her says that
much, although it's not something he'd be likely to say aloud. He's sure
she's heard similar things before, insipid lines talking about a beautiful
name for a beautiful woman, and since that's not particularly how he'd mean
it -- not that she's not beautiful, but that's certainly not the only
reason he thinks it suits her -- he's not going to go down that
road.]
Well, if I'm gonna call you that, then you gotta call me Jimmy.
[It's a certain kind of intimacy they're extending to each other, he
thinks, and that's not so bad. Then again, he's never been particularly
hesitant about being intimate with anyone, and it's gotten him into trouble
countless times in the past. He wonders, for just a second, what kind of
trouble Daisy could get him into.]
You're...
[He'd been going to mention something about the way he notices her
blushing, about the way she seems seized with some kind of emotion, and
there seem to be tears welling up in her eyes, but nobody ever likes having
that pointed out. So instead he settles for something else, something
perhaps even less reassuring.]
[Her name sounds curious on his lips, sweet and delicate and pronounced with all the awkwardness of strangers. As if he's never really handled such fragile names and the fragile women they belong to, trying it out for the first time to see if he likes the shape of it. It's her turn to speak his name, she supposes, and she feels a bit silly for being on such informal terms so soon.]
—Jimmy, then.
[It takes more effort than she thought, and she is breathless when she utters it. She feels unbearably childish for suggesting they leap onto first-name basis so quickly. How must he think of her, for being so bold?]
They wouldn't be very enjoyable if I got sick of them. I think they're wonderful.
[They are, truly—or at least they had been, in the beginning. She adored it all, getting lost in the grandiosity and gaiety, able to forget certain thorns in her heart with a glass of champagne or three or five. Who had time to worry about domestic troubles, when women were cooing over her diamond necklace, when men kept fumbling for her hand, weighted with gold rings and pearls, with undisguised greed and envy? Yes, how could she not adore these vibrant little types of gatherings, where her husband made simpering eyes at every lithe young actress who crossed his way, and all anyone, anyone ever wished to discuss was the Sweetheart of Louisville, the golden girl, how lovely and wealthy and happy she must be!]
Just wonderful.
[She repeats, a little flatly, her smile souring slightly at the edges. Recently, only Gatsby's parties have been something she has genuinely been able to enjoy, but for reasons other than simply the fireworks and entertainments—none of which he needs to know about.]
[What's he supposed to tell her? That he isn't a fan of parties like this because they always involve doing business and they always mean he has to spend his time talking to people who act as though they're so much better than he is? That he doesn't like showing up and pretending to fit in with the kind of guys who wear a tuxedo like it's a second skin, but that he feels hurt when they recognize that he doesn't fit in all the same? No, he's not going to tell her any of that.
But there's a part of him that would certainly like to.]
Y'know, it seems overwhelmin'.
[That's a half-truth, really. They're not overwhelming so much as they are simply... Wrong somehow. He'd thought, when he'd gone away to college, that maybe he'd finally learn how to blend in at events like this. Would he have, if he'd stayed there instead of going off to war? Probably not. As much as he can pretend to be Nucky Thompson's son -- and as much as his biological father, who he shudders at even thinking of, is an important man -- he's pretty sure everyone can tell that he, himself, comes from...
He shouldn't go down that mental pathway. His emotions always show too strongly on his face, and he doesn't want to frown again. So he just turns it into a smile instead, a small one, somehow more intimate and flirtatious than his bigger grins have been.]
[They're overwhelming, he says, and then casts a smile her away, as if confessing silently that he doesn't find her as overwhelming as the confetti steamers and the boisterous music and acrobatic dancers, but rather, somehow even more—enjoyable.
She knows how he looks at her. She recognizes the shadow of—well, if not lust, then at least a willing craving in his expression. How her spouse once looked at her, after the wedding for a few short weeks, when there was just him and the comfort of his broad frame, and beach salt in the air and the wide expanse of honeymoon suites. How her lover looks at her, and with him, there is no need to disguise the passion and delight they share with each other, during hot private afternoons spent in the cool, silk sheets.]
Is that why you came all the way out here?
[She asks, choosing to pretend that she hadn't glimpsed the seductive curl of his mouth. As if they're just chatting, innocently—because that is what they're doing, isn't it? Talking, dancing, smoking to pass the time, watching their cigarettes burn away as the moon rises higher in the sky. Never mind that she shouldn't be alone with him. Never mind that someone should have come along by now. And certainly, never mind that they're addressing each other as if they have been together all their lives.]
Did you just want to be alone, or—
[Her own lips perk up, in something a little more genuine than the one she had forced before, along with her strained laugh. Rather than just being there to occupy the quiet, her smile is a little more earnest, a little teasing.]
[He really shouldn't say anything more, really shouldn't say
anything that might take this past the point of innocent flirtation, but
that teasing smile of hers is enough to make him choose to ignore the
little voice in the back of his head that tells him to stop talking. If
only he listened to that voice more often.]
'n then I saw you, 'n I knew why I came out here in the first place.
[It could so easily sound trite, sappy, just plain stupid, the words
of someone who's trying to butter up a pretty girl, but the blunt honesty
in his tone is very much obvious. He really does feel as though he'd been
looking for her, even though he hadn't quite known it.]
I guess that ain't the kinda thing I'm supposed to say.
[But then, she'd been the one to bring up the possibility that he'd
been looking for her.]
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[And maybe he should like parties better than he does. He's always been good at making his own entertainment, after all, and there's plenty that parties offer in the way of diversions. An odd conversation in a private garden is just one of those things, and he has to admit, he's enjoying this. But this, what they're doing right here, isn't precisely a party, is it? It just happens to be attached to one. It's a moment of calm outside of the whirlwind inside. And it sounds as though she enjoys the whirlwind much more than he himself does.]
Or when someone tells me I gotta attend one.
[Because there're plenty of those, too, aren't there? Parties he'd never go to on his own, ones where he feels self-conscious and out of his depth, trying to navigate in a world that everyone had always wanted him to prepare himself for but that he's never quite fit into, no matter who his father is, no matter who had raised him. He shrugs, as though it's perfectly normal to be instructed to attend parties, and maybe it is; everyone has business they must attend to, or families to please, and for him, those two things are almost synonymous.
But she still doesn't seem to know who he is, and he wonders whether, if she knew who he worked for, who he associated with, she'd recognize those names, either. She's described herself as a fool, but he doubts that she's completely unaware of what's going on in the world around her. Just by sitting here, just by speaking to her, does he somehow exude the telltale signs of being a criminal, a gangster, someone doomed to hell, from his very pores?]
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[Bewilderment gives way to wonder, turning to glance up curiously at his reply. As cool and composed as he is, she wouldn't have figured him to enjoy lavish events; as he said, it was "for business". But to be ordered to attend...that just adds another layer of intrigue.]
What do you do?
[She asks, on a whim, watching his expression. The atmosphere had struck her as romantic, before, with fireflies casting a dim glow and feeling so secluded from the rest of the world—but now, it feels only slightly cold and vacant, without a hand to hold or a warm shoulder to rest against, having a conversation which is just as odd as the man before her.
She should have gone inside, long ago: it is surely an obscene hour, so early into the morning it is indistinguishable from night. If not for the intrusion, she would have fled to wait in the comfort of indoors. But this far into their little talk, it would be brutish to leave without notice, and—and, she likes the frank cadence of his voice.
She has so very few friends, these days, she thinks she wouldn't mind just one more.]
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[That's a simple enough statement, but it's bleak, too. It's true; he takes orders, always has. He'd done it when he'd been in the army, and he does it now that he's back home. He'd thought he'd become his own man, thought he'd blossom into whatever it was people were expecting of him (to be his father's son, whatever that meant, or to be like Nucky's son, which was easier to imagine but harder to achieve, somehow) but he'd come back to a place where he did what he was told to do, just like he'd done when he was gone.
And was it really so different than being away at war? Different kind of trenches, sure, but trenches all the same.]
I help facilitate business deals. That means I show up at a lot of parties.
[It sounds better than calling himself an enforcer, but the implication is there, nevertheless, if she cares to look for it. It's not like he's ashamed at what he does, precisely. Why should he be? It's a job, like any other, and besides, he's already pretty goddamn certain that he's going to hell. He's been destined for that for a long time. At this point, what's it going to matter if he adds a couple more crimes to the endless tally of them?]
What do you do?
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It terrifies as much as it exhilarates her.
She wonders if he's being vague for the sole purpose of teasing her, or if another reason lies behind his deliberate silences. Law enforcement? Or something more? She decides not to dwell on that particular thought, instead raising her hand to stifle a smile at his question. As if she could work—she is too frail, too soft to be exposed to the world of corporate beasts—as if he doesn't see the wealth which clings to her as silver and furs.]
I stay at home.
[She corrects him delicately, to show she hadn't been amused at his expense. And really, that is all she does: occasionally she visits the golfing tournaments, or attends opulent gatherings, but on the whole when her spouse is gone and her friends are absent, there is little else to do than sit by oneself in a room void of life and laughter.]
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[Because nobody could simply sit at home and do nothing, could they? Angela stays home, too, but she paints, she has things to pass her time, and he's glad for it, because it means he can feel moderately less guilty when he's away for days at a time, when he's away like he is right now, spending the evening in a secluded garden with someone he barely knows, someone very beautiful. It's not the first time it's happened, and it likely won't be the last.
And again, he recognizes, he's pressing her. Asking her for more than she'd offered, and maybe he should simply take her at her word. Maybe she really is a fool, who does nothing at all, who obviously has money, but, from the way she tells it, very little in the way of substance, save attending these parties. Somehow, though, he doesn't believe that's all there is to her.
Is it just a desire to read more into people than what's really there? He's always been inclined to pry, inclined to dig too deeply, but for just a second, he wonders what it is he sees in her that makes him poke at her in this way. It's teasing, in a sense, but genuinely curious, too, more pointed than simple idle banter.]
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There's the radio. I drink, I dance, I wait for company to visit. [Saying it now, she is acutely aware of how lonely it must sound, isolated in white rooms with only servants for company, and she hastens to add:]
If they do visit, we have a marvelous time. It's usually a—a very nice time.
[But somehow, her efforts to sound impressive just feel all the more desperate to endear to him. People don't ask what she does, they just assume she must have a bursting agenda. With all the money in the world, who cares for what she occupies her time with? She is the wife of a man of prestige and pride, the friend of celebrities, the center of a hive of gossip. People just assume that she is naturally joyous, with possessions replacing human interaction. Who needs the touch of a lover or the conversation of a close companion when there are so many incessant things to purchase?]
What about when you're not working?
[She turns the topic to him, anything to keep the air light between them.]
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And then, of course, she's turning the question back around on him, as he should have expected she would, and he chuckles quietly.]
Well, not golf. You'd have me beat at that.
[Because he does hear that pride in her voice, and thinks she must be very talented at the sport, and he's never quite gotten the hang of it. He's too clumsy, maybe, or his movements are too sweeping and huge.]
I guess I do all the normal kinda things. I spend time with my son, usually on the beach, I spend time with my wife [When she wants to spend time with him, which seems to be happening less and less these days.] I read, I drink, I've got all kindsa interests.
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Another woman, she thinks, might demand why is he here, practically alone in this party, in this garden, talking to her and asking her a whole myriad of questions. Flirting, almost, blurring the borders between milquetoast politeness and deeply personal inquiries. But, she is not the sort of woman to foist her opinions on others, and she certainly lacks the sort of fire that a more spirited woman would have, in order to voice such demands.]
All kind of interests?
[She repeats, curious in the way she knows she shouldn't be. She watches him closely, as if trying to divulge what those interests could be, just from sight alone. When she speaks next, the slow burn of the South creeps thickly into her voice: a sweet, relaxed drawl which encourages a sense of trust between them. Somewhere, a foxtrot starts up in the distance, to a raucous wave of cheers. With the first few notes straining through the night air, it only takes her a moment to make up her mind. To not turn away, to not excuse herself inside, although by all means, she should. Gatsby will be looking for her. Worse, her husband will be looking for her. And yet...]
I don't suppose dancing is one of them?
[She remembers the flare of terror, of frustration and desperation, inquiring to her lover in low, heated tones exchanged between kisses: Can't we just have fun, like we used to? Why must theirs be a secret worth revealing, why must he not be content with her kingdom of lights, why must they tell Tom?
Mr. Darmody, however, offers a fine distraction from those dizzying questions. She offers him her hand, half-teasing.]
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[That's vague enough to mean just about anything, and he figures each person who meets him'll assume differently, depending on how they see him. He's curious as to what type of assumptions someone like her would make about him, but he supposes he has time to find out, if they keep talking. Talking to her is far more enjoyable than the rest of the party, anyway; a moment away from the chaos inside, chaos that can so easily feel overwhelming and crushing. He wonders if she feels the same way.
And when she offers him her hand, well, what's he going to do except reach out and take it, smiling slightly at her question.]
I'm never gonna win any awards for my dancin', but there're times I find it enjoyable.
[Right now could be one of them, maybe, with the foxtrot playing in the distance and the two of them standing right here, facing each other. Before he has time to think about it further -- and really, he often prefers to act on spontaneity rather than planned thought -- he pulls her closer, beginning the first steps of the dance.]
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She has never been much of a dancer, relying on the man to guide her through his lead, and the same goes for tonight. Her hands are slightly cool compared to the heat of his fingers, surprisingly sturdy and still, her slender weight resting against him. Attempting to match his steps with tentative movements, she squeezes a little tighter than necessary, betraying her nerves.
But then, why would she be anxious at all?]
I certainly hope this is one of those times.
[She chimes in, still speaking as if all the troubles in the world narrows down to whether her whims will be met or not, whether the music will keep playing and the drinks will keep liberally flowing. She is doing her utmost to dispel his image of her, distressed and as if about to cry, bothered by something as ridiculously trifling as morbid conversation. She has nearly made a terrible wreck of things, but to be fair, he is partly to blame, for demanding answers to questions which shouldn't be asked.
His hands feel rougher than a businessman's should be, patches of hard callouses pressed against her soft skin. Without a single word, he incites yet even more questions, with no answers supplied. No man ordered to attend gay little parties like this should feel so harsh to the touch, and again, the question lurks: Just who is he?]
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[There are many, many things beyond dancing that he'd consider himself to have far more talent at. He always moves just a little stiffly, but then, he moves that way when he walks, too. At the very least, he's capable of leading someone through a foxtrot, especially someone who seems to willing to be led.
And yet he can see how nervous she is, which surprises him. Shouldn't someone like this, someone who's probably come to thousands upon thousands of parties, be used to dancing, or at least, not made anxious by it?
But those aren't questions he should ask of her, because he knows he's already distressed her, asking things that seem morbid and not particularly appropriate for the atmosphere of a party like this. He should probably just keep his mouth shut and concentrate on the dance, but he's never been great about keeping his thoughts to himself.
Still, he manages to lapse into silence for a moment, concentrating on the feeling of her soft hand, which is gripping his own rough hand so tightly, concentrating on the steps of the dance and of not making a fool out of either of them.]
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She finds him very, oddly enough, interesting. It could just be his indirect way of answering, how he boldly propositions her with his own inquiries, how there has never been a man quite like him at one of these parties. He is not the same breed of polite gentlemen who constantly flock to her, or that of the ruthless gangster who lurks around the corners. He is an oddity in and of itself, since he first caught her eye in a suit of blue and a strange indifference to the world around him. Except when it comes to her: for some reason, she has caught his attention tonight, by miracle or by mistake.
The song ends, both far too quickly and seemingly after ages have passed, but Daisy falters. She doesn't break away from his arms—not instantaneously, at least. She remains still, clutching faintly at the warmth of his hand, as if straining her hearing for the crushing of dewy grass or the rustling of leaves, signalling the arrival of another person.
But no one else comes.]
Lying is a terrible habit, really. [She speaks first, sweating lightly from the exertion, or from the warm summer air. Finally, she moves away, her arms retreating to her sides. Their brief moment of contact is over, as is their charming dance.] I think your dancing is just adorable, Mr. Darmody.
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When the song ends, he's surprised to find that she doesn't draw away from him right away, though he's not at all surprised to find himself pleased by that fact. Yes, the fact that she's undeniably beautiful has a great deal to do with it -- he'd be stupid to tell himself otherwise -- but so does the fact that he's fascinated by her. There's something delicate about her, and yet...
And yet what? Maybe he's just trying to read mystery into a situation where there is none. Still, the fact that he'd found her sitting out here alone is enough to make him think there's more to her than meets the eye. He can't quite put his finger on it.]
'n I'm a terrible liar.
[Funny, how that could be taken a couple different ways. A bad liar, or terrible because he lies all the time, either way. She can take it how she wants.]
Your dancin' ain't half bad, either.
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You say awfully sweet things.
[It's a kind thought, all the same. That he even bothers to pay her a compliment at all is flattering. She has to admit, for such a sour turn the evening had taken before, their rendezvous is turning into a rather pleasant event. So long as they remain aware of themselves, sustaining the sense of superficial politeness between them. As long as they remember to keep their distance, and prevent stumbling into situations which are too close for comfort. The slight coolness in her demeanor tempers her enjoyment of the night, but so it must be. Dancing and chatting is all well and good, but if she forgets herself—if he forgets himself—
She is already walking on a thin, fraying tightrope as it is, with her husband's temper snapping at her heels. It is exhausting, between being the bitter wife and the adoring mistress, desperate to escape one world for the next, as if she can trade in gold for kisses and wealth for love. For a while, she prayed she could be happy that way, but even that is steadily unraveling, her balance slipping. Soon, the world will know, the papers will know, and her spouse will know. The time she has left to cherish her affair is slipping away as fast as the evening hours.
If she forgets herself—at the very least, the temporary happiness it yields would add yet another secret to her collection, and in the current state of things, she has enough secrets to feel suffocated by them all. Not that she would. Not that she is even tempted, to do something recklessly foolish with him. She must (or should) remain steadfast and unseduced by the low cadence to his voice, and his attractively straightforward mannerisms, and the lack of sugar coating which no other man has yet to afford her.
But remaining platonic does not mean lacking politeness, and to send him away would be very unpolite.]
You talk as if you're wicked, but you don't remind me of a single wicked thing.
[She has Gatsby. She has her beloved cousin and dear gaggle of friends, if not her own immediate family. She has a whole ensemble of people to socialize with and talk and dance with, just the same as she is doing with him. Nothing about tonight should feel wholly special, or unique, and yet—
And yet. The elusive cliff-hanger, the word which her mind continues to stumble over, struggling to finish her thought, always trailing off in a muddle of confusion. She should not, and yet—there is something.]
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[There's flirtation there, certainly, in adding the 'yet' to what could otherwise be a fairly straightforward observation. It's true, she doesn't really know him, not now, and perhaps not ever, and maybe that's for the best. She can continue to think he's just a somewhat blunt, somewhat aggressive guy whose true actions, whose true employment, who any number of things about remain a complete mystery.
If he were just the slightest bit more self-aware, he'd recognize that his blunt flirtations have a habit of getting him into trouble. Or maybe it's that he is self-aware, recognizes just how poorly being so frank with someone can go, especially someone he knows to be a married woman, and chooses to ignore it. He always has been fond of taking risks.]
So what do I remind you of?
[If not something wicked, then what? It's another one of those questions that might be just the slightest bit uncomfortable, that might just be pressing things a bit too far. It certainly has the possibility to be incisive, but that could also be the way he's gazing at her, blue eyes bright and wide, really waiting for an answer.
And yes, he has to admit, he's curious as to what she thinks of him, maybe through some odd form of egotism, maybe just because he likes that little laugh she'd given, the one she'd hidden behind her hand, and wants to keep talking to her in the hopes that he'll hear it again.]
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She struggles in answering him, not trying to evade his question, but simply trying to be honest. She can't draw a comparison to him and anything, because he blurs so many boundaries. He is blunt, and forward, almost rude, even—but he is also patient, and has the grace to know when he has pushed too far, and he has been willing to dance with an upset woman when there is nothing to gain from it.]
I don't know, I don't think I've ever met anyone like you.
[She shrugs one shoulder, as if hoping to pluck a more satisfactory answer from the air. Nothing in his question strikes her as egotistical—slightly authoritative perhaps, but nothing aggressive, nothing like the overbearing masculinity of her husband when he demands things from her, nothing cruel or harsh. There is no hint of violence simmering in his tone, or the familiar sort of thinning patience.
No, he seems genuinely interested.]
Do I remind you of anything?
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Well...
[He genuinely has to think about it, because although he should have expected having the question turned back around on him, he hadn't, not enough to prepare an adequate or glib response, at least. He pauses, both for the sake of lighting himself another cigarette -- and offering her one, of course -- and for the sake of stalling, trying to come up with an answer.]
I guess you do, kinda.
[Should he really say it? It would be frank rather than flirtatious, honest rather than flattery, and he's not sure she'll take it favorably. Not everyone would, and he's still having a hard time trying to determine just what type of person she is, what makes her smile and what makes her look slightly afraid.]
You kinda remind me of a woman I used to know.
[It's saved from being at all flirtatious or lascivious by the completely serious, almost sad expression on his face.]
But of course it ain't just that. You're your own person, too.
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I shouldn't have asked.
[she murmurs, ashamed in her own way of having brought tender memories to the surface. She draws deeply from her new cigarette, tobacco crumbling away into gray ashes, at a loss for how to respond to something as private as he has just confessed.]
I'm sorry, if I upset you terribly.
[It doesn't feel nearly as powerful as it should. All the fumbling, fragile apologies in the world wouldn't be able to heal what-ever manner of wounds that are still causing him to suffer. Wild possibilities spring forth: a sick mistress, or a first wife, or something of that sort. Faceless women, about whom she has no business imagining what history he might have had with them. It's not her affair to pry into.]
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[If he notices that he calls her by the probably altogether too comfortable moniker of 'kid,' he doesn't let on. It's just something that comes out of his mouth sometimes, intended to be affectionate and reassuring all at once. He smiles at her, and it's a genuine smile, not something dredged up just for the sake of preserving the atmosphere.
Though it's true, the last thing he wants to do is sadden her. The party should be enjoyable, just as sparkly and delightful as she is, not some kind of depressing affair -- though no matter what he does, he keeps making things somber, entirely by accident.]
Just a thought, that's all. Nothin' to worry about.
[He wonders, then, if that sounds dismissive, if he sounds like he's ordering her not to worry. Why is all of this so very fraught, so very hard to talk about? Emotions are always that way, he supposes -- just a big goddamned mess.]
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Not that it is her place to delve into his private matters, to dig into his past and uncover his buried memories, bitter or otherwise. He has a wife, after all, and who is she but just another party guest, some woman he has decided to speak with, just to pass the time? She knows little about him, just as he should know as little about her. They're little more than lukewarm strangers, acquaintances who pass in the night and cross paths, and she has no reason to fret over his frown, or—or to feel reassured by the sight of his smile.
She forces herself to laugh, then, a strange mixture of gin-induced giggles and the attempt to smother the lump of tears in her throat. Aren't they both a couple of wrecks? Her with her husband, him without his wife, both trying not to upset the other and making a regular disaster of the whole evening! It's almost funny, the whole business, in a morbid sort of way.]
Mr. Darmody—
[She struggles for a moment, grasping for the right words, how to assure him that she isn't in need of assuring, that she never meant to insult him, that he is a perfectly fine man and she never meant to imply he is in need of a woman—
Instead, she gives the most brilliant smile, her eyes damp and swallowing down everything she could never hope to say.]
Call me Daisy. I absolutely insist.
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Daisy...
[He says it slowly, like he's really savoring the sound of it, and maybe he is. It suits her, he thinks, and the smile he gives her says that much, although it's not something he'd be likely to say aloud. He's sure she's heard similar things before, insipid lines talking about a beautiful name for a beautiful woman, and since that's not particularly how he'd mean it -- not that she's not beautiful, but that's certainly not the only reason he thinks it suits her -- he's not going to go down that road.]
Well, if I'm gonna call you that, then you gotta call me Jimmy.
[It's a certain kind of intimacy they're extending to each other, he thinks, and that's not so bad. Then again, he's never been particularly hesitant about being intimate with anyone, and it's gotten him into trouble countless times in the past. He wonders, for just a second, what kind of trouble Daisy could get him into.]
You're...
[He'd been going to mention something about the way he notices her blushing, about the way she seems seized with some kind of emotion, and there seem to be tears welling up in her eyes, but nobody ever likes having that pointed out. So instead he settles for something else, something perhaps even less reassuring.]
D'you ever get sick of parties like this?
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—Jimmy, then.
[It takes more effort than she thought, and she is breathless when she utters it. She feels unbearably childish for suggesting they leap onto first-name basis so quickly. How must he think of her, for being so bold?]
They wouldn't be very enjoyable if I got sick of them. I think they're wonderful.
[They are, truly—or at least they had been, in the beginning. She adored it all, getting lost in the grandiosity and gaiety, able to forget certain thorns in her heart with a glass of champagne or three or five. Who had time to worry about domestic troubles, when women were cooing over her diamond necklace, when men kept fumbling for her hand, weighted with gold rings and pearls, with undisguised greed and envy? Yes, how could she not adore these vibrant little types of gatherings, where her husband made simpering eyes at every lithe young actress who crossed his way, and all anyone, anyone ever wished to discuss was the Sweetheart of Louisville, the golden girl, how lovely and wealthy and happy she must be!]
Just wonderful.
[She repeats, a little flatly, her smile souring slightly at the edges. Recently, only Gatsby's parties have been something she has genuinely been able to enjoy, but for reasons other than simply the fireworks and entertainments—none of which he needs to know about.]
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[What's he supposed to tell her? That he isn't a fan of parties like this because they always involve doing business and they always mean he has to spend his time talking to people who act as though they're so much better than he is? That he doesn't like showing up and pretending to fit in with the kind of guys who wear a tuxedo like it's a second skin, but that he feels hurt when they recognize that he doesn't fit in all the same? No, he's not going to tell her any of that.
But there's a part of him that would certainly like to.]
Y'know, it seems overwhelmin'.
[That's a half-truth, really. They're not overwhelming so much as they are simply... Wrong somehow. He'd thought, when he'd gone away to college, that maybe he'd finally learn how to blend in at events like this. Would he have, if he'd stayed there instead of going off to war? Probably not. As much as he can pretend to be Nucky Thompson's son -- and as much as his biological father, who he shudders at even thinking of, is an important man -- he's pretty sure everyone can tell that he, himself, comes from...
He shouldn't go down that mental pathway. His emotions always show too strongly on his face, and he doesn't want to frown again. So he just turns it into a smile instead, a small one, somehow more intimate and flirtatious than his bigger grins have been.]
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She knows how he looks at her. She recognizes the shadow of—well, if not lust, then at least a willing craving in his expression. How her spouse once looked at her, after the wedding for a few short weeks, when there was just him and the comfort of his broad frame, and beach salt in the air and the wide expanse of honeymoon suites. How her lover looks at her, and with him, there is no need to disguise the passion and delight they share with each other, during hot private afternoons spent in the cool, silk sheets.]
Is that why you came all the way out here?
[She asks, choosing to pretend that she hadn't glimpsed the seductive curl of his mouth. As if they're just chatting, innocently—because that is what they're doing, isn't it? Talking, dancing, smoking to pass the time, watching their cigarettes burn away as the moon rises higher in the sky. Never mind that she shouldn't be alone with him. Never mind that someone should have come along by now. And certainly, never mind that they're addressing each other as if they have been together all their lives.]
Did you just want to be alone, or—
[Her own lips perk up, in something a little more genuine than the one she had forced before, along with her strained laugh. Rather than just being there to occupy the quiet, her smile is a little more earnest, a little teasing.]
Or did you just want to find me?
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I didn't know why I came out here, 'n then...
[He really shouldn't say anything more, really shouldn't say anything that might take this past the point of innocent flirtation, but that teasing smile of hers is enough to make him choose to ignore the little voice in the back of his head that tells him to stop talking. If only he listened to that voice more often.]
'n then I saw you, 'n I knew why I came out here in the first place.
[It could so easily sound trite, sappy, just plain stupid, the words of someone who's trying to butter up a pretty girl, but the blunt honesty in his tone is very much obvious. He really does feel as though he'd been looking for her, even though he hadn't quite known it.]
I guess that ain't the kinda thing I'm supposed to say. [But then, she'd been the one to bring up the possibility that he'd been looking for her.]
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